


Community: An Addition

by emb559



Category: Community (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21574519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emb559/pseuds/emb559
Summary: Greendale Community College has so many students. What would Greendale be like if the there had been one more character? Do Troy and Abed like the same girl? Did Pierce really sleep with her mom on an airplane? Ivy Reeds just recognized a comic book. She didn't think her life would get turned upside down.
Relationships: Abed/Original Female Character
Comments: 29
Kudos: 98





	1. The Beginning

"COMMUNITY - THE OTHER IN THE PSYCHOLOGY OF LETTING GO"

FADE IN:

INT. GREENDALE: CAMPUS LIBRARY OUTSIDE THE STUDY ROOM-

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir sit on a chair together. Abed takes the center seat position, while Troy rests on the arm. Together, they are reading a comic book: "Crimson Comet VS. The Ever-Growing Hamster. They are engrossed in its glossy pages.

Ivy Reeds walks by. She passes the pair but then backtracks. She looks at the comic book.

IVY

You read The Crashing Comet?

ABED

Yes. She's one of the best new superheroes. I have all the issues.

TROY

She's great! Even though she's, you know, a girl.

IVY

What does being a girl have to with it?

TROY

You sound like Britta.

IVY

She's the one with the leather jackets, right?

ABED

You're in our anthropology class.

IVY

Yeah. I'm Ivy.

ABED

I know.

IVY

Um..Anyway. I just was surprised by the comic. Um. Bye.

Ivy starts to walk away, but Abed calls after her.

ABED

Do you read the comic books?

Ivy stops.

IVY

I mean, I have.

ABED

Do you like them?

IVY

No.

Ivy walks away. Troy and Abed look at each other.

TROY

That girl is crazy.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - LATER THAT DAY

Troy and Abed sit in their usual spots in the study room. Jeff and Britta are with them.

TROY

And then she goes "No." Can you believe that?

JEFF

Yes.

BRITTA

So, she doesn't like a comic book, what's the big deal? I don't read comic books. You still like me.

ABED

But she's read them and doesn't like them.

TROY

These are the best comic books.

ABED

Well, the best superhero independent comic books. Outside of the Marvel and DC universe.

Jeff and Britta exchange a look.

ABED (CONT'D)

Why are you looking at each other like that? What does that look mean?

JEFF

Which one of you likes her?

TROY

Like her? I think we should ostracize her. She's in our anthropology class.

JEFF

Then hasn't she suffered enough?

BRITTA

Which one is she?

ABED

Ivy

BRITTA

And Ivy is...

ABED

Curly brown hair. Sits in the back. Smells like vanilla and coconut. Sometimes. It depends on which perfume she uses.

BRITTA

You know what she smells like?

Annie Edison walks into the study room.

ABED

I know what everyone smells like. Annie smells like Japanese Cherry Blossoms. Shirley smells like Lavender. You smell like...herbs. Sometimes.

Annie takes her seat.

ANNIE

Why are we talking about smelling people?

JEFF

Abed and Troy are upset because some girl said she didn't like their comic book.

ANNIE

And...

JEFF

That's it.

BRITTA

What do you know about Ivy from Anthropology?

ANNIE

The costumer? She helps out with costumes for plays sometimes.

BRITTA

And?

ANNIE

That's it. She's kind of quiet.

Shirley Bennett and Pierce Hawthorne enter, arguing.

SHIRLEY

That is no way to talk to a woman - especially a good Christian woman.

PIERCE

Aw, c'mon. It was just a question. People ask each other all the time. Hey Britta, do the carpets match the drapes?

BRITTA

Pierce! That's disgusting.

Pierce and Shirley take the respective seats. Shirley inches her chair closer to Annie.

ANNIE

Pierce! That is so disrespectful.

JEFF

Wait! Pierce, do you know what that means or did you just hear Leonard say it?

PIERCE

Ha! Of course, I know what it means.

JEFF

What does it mean then?

PIERCE

It's asking a woman if she's a good homemaker.

ANNIE

You think it's about interior design?

PIERCE

Pssh. No. I think it's asking if a woman keeps a good home. That's why I asked Shirley because she's a mother and she bakes a lot.

The group all looks at one another. No one says anything.

SHIRLEY

What were we all talking about before Pierce and I entered?

ABED

Ivy Reeds.

PIERCE

I dated a girl named Reeds once. Flight attendant. She welcomed me to the mile high club. I know what that means. Airplane sex.

TROY

Nice.

Troy and Pierce fist bump, while Annie and Shirley scrunch up their noses.

ANNIE

She's a girl in our anthropology class. She didn't like Troy and Abed's comic book.

PIERCE

Now, what does that mean?

JEFF

Can we please talk about anything else?

INT. LUNCHROOM - THE NEXT DAY

Professor Ian Duncan is using the power of his restraining order to push Ben Chang out of the lunchroom. As Ben Chang runs to leave, he knocks into Ivy Reed and sends her books flying. Abed Nadir appears and picks them up before she can bend down.

IVY

Does this make me Mary Jane?

ABED

Because that was fast. Like the scene in Spiderman.

IVY

Good comic book. Bad movie.

ABED

Which one?

IVY

Haven't seen one that I have liked yet.

Abed hands Ivy her books. She takes them.

IVY (CONT'D)

Thanks.

ABED

You know a lot about comic books.

IVY

After high school, I took two years off and worked at a comic store.

ABED

Which one?

IVY

Larry's Dungeon

ABED

They're out of business.

IVY

So here I am. I mean, I probably would have been here anyway. It wasn't my dream or anything, but it was a push in this direction. What lead you here?

ABED

Frozen yogurt.

IVY

Of course... Well, thanks.

Ivy exits. Abed watches her go. Troy comes up.

TROY

Was she insulting the comic books again?

ABED

No.

TROY

I think we should get a restraining order. Like Duncan's doing to Chang.

ABED

I have to go.

Abed exits. Troy looks confused.

EXT. THE GREENDALE QUAD

Britta Perry and Annie Edison are wrestling in oil and collecting money to help clean up an oil spill. Troy and Abed stand together, watching. Ivy comes up to them.

TROY

What do you want?

IVY

Thanks for the note.

ABED

What note?

Ivy pulls a note from her pocket. Abed reads it aloud.

ABED (CONT'D)

"You have bad taste in comics. You are dumb. - A secret not admirer"

Abed looks to Troy, who looks away.

ABED (CONT'D)

I didn't write this.

Ivy pulls a comic book in clear plastic wrapping from her bag: "The Crimson Comet: The First Flight." There is a signature on the cover "A.A. Author."

IVY

It's an olive branch. I got it from the comic place when I worked there.

ABED

I thought you didn't like the comics.

IVY

I was going to sell it online. If it ever mattered, but it seems like it matters to you.

TROY

Was the author there?

IVY

No. She doesn't do interviews.

ABED

She has a secret identity. Like a superhero.

IVY

Right...Anyway, that's for you two. Please stop sending me notes. Bye.

Ivy exits hastily - clearly embarrassed.

TROY

I guess we can cancel the restraining order.

Troy looks to Duncan and Chang, standing near one another.

TROY (CONT'D)

It doesn't look like it works anyway.

Abed looks down at the comic in his hand.

ABED

She just gave that to me.

TROY

Yeah. Isn't it cool? Can I touch it?

ABED

We shouldn't take it out of the packaging.

Troy looks defeated.

ABED (CONT'D)

At least not by a pile of oil.

Troy perks up.


	2. Season Two Episode 4 - 7

"BASIC ROCKET SCIENCE: EXTRA"

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Annie Edison, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes, Jeff Winger, Shirley Bennett, and Pierce Hawthorne are all holding plastic glasses filled with sparkling grape juice. They are celebrating their recent victory over City College and their escape from the Kentucky Fried Chicken Space Simulator.

JEFF

To Greendale: It may not be the best or the brightest and it may have a crass school flag, but it's the school that brought our study group together and that is a beautiful thing. Cheers.

ALL

Cheers!

They click their plastic glasses together and drink. The door to the study room is thrown open and Ivy Reed storms in.

IVY

I spent two weeks making a custom space suit for Leonard with a stupid butthole patch because you submitted a dumb flag and we didn't even get to use it because you all stole got the stupid fake chicken rocket towed!

The group looks at itself, scolded.

BRITTA

_(loudly whispering)_

Is that the comic book girl?

IVY

Someone is wearing my costume.

The group looks amongst itself. No one says anything. Slowly, Troy brings his finger to his nose. Everyone's fingers shoot up, but Jeff's.

JEFF

Oh, come on.

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD

Jeff is standing by the foundation, wearing the space suit. It is too short for him and his ankles are exposed. The shoulders are tight as well. The group laughs. Britta takes pictures with her phone.

JEFF

I look ridiculous.

IVY

You're taller than Leonard...and broader.

ABED

It's good craftsmanship.

IVY

Thank you. I did a lot of cosplay when I worked at the comic shop.

ABED

Cool. Cool cool cool.

ANNIE

Aw, Jeff. It's not that bad.

Dean Craig Pelton approaches. He stops when he sees Jeff.

DEAN

Jeffrey, you're looking - well, it's a little tight, but tight isn't a bad look for you.

JEFF

I'm taking this off.

Jeff storms off.

BRITTA

_(calling after him)_

I've got pictures!

DEAN

Can you send those to me?

"MESSIANIC MYTHS AND ANCIENT PEOPLE - CONTINUED"

INT. GREENDDALE LUNCHROOM

Abed Nadir is dressed in his "Son of God" persona, including a wing of long black hair, leather pants, and a shirt that is button very very low.

Ivy Reed is watching in the crowd, looking skeptical. Ben Chang approaches her.

CHANG

Hey, you're that music student, right?

IVY

You used to be a professor, right?

There is a long uncomfortable silence.

CHANG

Your presence is requested by Abed. The head of the music department recommended you to write a score for this movie.

IVY

Seriously?

CHANG

Come with me.

Reluctantly, Ivy follows Chang. He leads her to Abed.

CHANG (CONT'D)

She's the one, Abed.

ABED

You are the piano player - the master of the keys.

IVY

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

ABED

My film about us and about life needs a score. For the credits only. For the scenes, life is it's own score.

IVY

Yeah, whatever.

ABED

So you will do as I ask?

IVY

Stop talking like that.

Ivy walks off. She runs into Annie Edison.

ANNIE

You're Ivy. From Anthropology.

IVY

What happened to Abed?

ANNIE

Oh, he's doing a movie thing. He does this sometimes.

IVY

Sometimes?

ANNIE

Kind of a lot actually, but he'll be on to the next thing soon. Pretty cool, right?

IVY

I'm not sure how I feel about this piece it's a little...I don't know.

ANNIE

Yeah, but he's got a good sense for these things. Just wait.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

The Anthropology class has ended and students are pouring into the hallway. Ivy calls out to Abed.

IVY

Abed! Wait up.

Abed steps to the side. Ivy joins him. They walk together.

IVY (CONT'D)

So, I guess that movie's off.

ABED

Yeah, I won't be finishing it.

IVY

Guess I won't be scoring the credits then.

ABED

I guess not, but thanks for agreeing to do it. I didn't know you were interested in scoring films.

IVY

Yeah. It's something I'm trying out while I'm here. I tried to convince the Dean to build an elevator just so I could make the music. Anyway...I'm sorry you didn't get to finish your movie.

ABED

It's okay.

IVY

It's probably for the best though.

ABED

What do you mean?

IVY

I just...it wasn't my favorite. I didn't like the long hair.

ABED

Me either. The movie was a mess.

IVY

You should keep the leather pants though.

Ivy bumps her shoulder against his and walks off.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

The whole gang, minus Pierce and Annie, is sitting in their respective seats. Jeff is on his phone, Britta is doodling, Shirley is studying, and Troy and Abed are reading a comic. Annie comes running into the study room, flushed and excited.

ANNIE

You'll never believe who's on campus?

TROY

John F. Kennedy?

ANNIE

Troy, Elvis is dead.

TROY

That's why I wouldn't believe it.

ANNIE

Stanley Winters is on campus.

TROY

Who?

ANNIE

Don't you guys watch the news? He's the weather guy.

BRITTA

Which one?

ANNIE

The young one. With the dimples.

SHIRLEY

Ohh! I do like dimples.

JEFF

_(to Britta)_

You know the weatherman?

BRITTA

I watch the news. I keep up with the world, Jeff.

ANNIE

Guys! This is serious. He's practically a celebrity.

TROY

Is he though?

Ivy enters the study room. She takes Pierce's seat and turns to Shirley.

IVY

I am in desperate need of your help.

SHIRLEY

Me?

IVY

The drama club has mysteriously lost some costumes despite the room being locked and only myself and the dean having keys.

SHIRLEY

That's terrible.

JEFF

The Dean took them.

SHIRLEY

But how can I help?

IVY

We're having a bake sale -

SHIRLEY

I do love baking!

IVY

No one is coming to our bake sale if we don't have your brownies. Please please say -

Just then, Stanley Winters enters in an expensive looking suit. Annie squeals and Britta fixes her hair.

ANNIE

You're on TV! I mean, welcome to Greendale.

STANLEY

It's good to be here. Always nice to meet a fan.

BRITTA

What are you doing on campus? Not that we aren't happy to have you. We are.

STANLEY

Well, I'm looking for a girl.

BRITTA

What kind of girl?

Stanley laughs. He points to Ivy.

STANLEY

That one.

IVY

I told you not to come here.

STANLEY

Your Dean invited me to teach a class.

IVY

In weathermanning?

STANLEY

He didn't say. Just asked me to lunch to talk about it.

IVY

You couldn't just call me back?

STANLEY

You weren't answering my calls. You're avoiding me.

IVY

Shouldn't that tell you something?

STANLEY

Come on.

IVY

Fine. Hallway.

STANLEY

But I didn't catch these lovely ladies' names.

BRITTA

I'm Britta! Like the water filter.

Ivy gets up and pulls Stanley out of the room.

JEFF

Like the water filter?

BRITTA

Shut up.

ANNIE

Are you seriously interested in the weather man?

BRITTA

You are.

ANNIE

Yeah, but he's twenty-five.

BRITTA

How do you know that?

ANNIE

I did my research.

BRITTA

And so what? I can't date a slightly younger man?

ANNIE

Depends on what you mean by slightly.

BRITTA

He can't even take you to a bar.

JEFF

Ladies, please. He's clearly dating Ivy.

BRITTA

She didn't seem to happy with him.

ANNIE

Besides...Abed likes her.

TROY

What? Abed, you didn't tell me that.

ABED

I never said that. I don't know what you mean. Annie is making assumptions.

SHIRLEY

Well, I certainly think Ivy is a nice girl.

JEFF

You just like her because she likes your baking.

SHIRLEY

Everyone likes my baking.

ABED

I have said nothing about romantic interest. Nothing at all.

ANNIE

Well, I think she likes you.

TROY

He can't date a girl who doesn't like the Crashing Comet.

JEFF

That doesn't leave a lot of options.

BRITTA

I bet I could land the weatherman.

ANNIE

The fact that you said "land" shows how out of touch you are with the times. Besides, he's not the type you just land. He's the real deal type.

BRITTA

You want to marry the weatherman?

ANNIE

I didn't say that, but it's an option. If we dated for two to three years, then maybe.

JEFF

Are we seriously fighting over the weatherman? Come on. Look at him.

The group all looks to the window. Ivy has her fingers in her ears so that she can't hear Stanley. Stanley pulls a hand out of her ear and she blows a raspberry at him, spitting in his face. He ruffles her hair. Ivy goes to return to the study room and the group looks away. She opens the door.

IVY

_(over her shoulder; to Stanley)_

I'll call you later!

The group pretends they weren't watching. Ivy returns to sits beside Shirley.

IVY (CONT'D)

So about the bakesa-

ANNIE

_(interrupting)_

Are you dating the weatherman?

IVY

No!

ANNIE

Did you ever?

IVY

Absolutely not.

BRITTA

Is he dating anyone?

IVY

I don't think so.

SHIRLEY

You can't blame the girls. He has nice dimples and a firm - personality.

IVY

Gross.

ANNIE

If you didn't date, how do you know him?

IVY

He's my brother.

BRITTA

Oh.

ANNIE

I didn't think -

ABED

There were no real signs of dating. She did spit on him.

TROY

Can he help Abed and I produce a talk show?

IVY

_(to Shirley)_

So you'll help with the bake sale?

SHIRLEY

I've love to.

IVY

You are a lifesaver. I'll e-mail you the details.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY - BY THE LOCKERS

Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes are walking by the lockers. Down the hall, Ivy Reed is putting books into her locker.

TROY

Hey, the others were wrong, right?

ABED

Usually, but wrong about what?

TROY

Ivy. And you. Liking each other.

ABED

Oh. That.

TROY

I mean, it's fine. I just can't believe you wouldn't tell me.

ABED

I never thought about it. I don't think I like her. Romantically, anyway.

TROY

And you'd tell me if you did?

ABED

Probably not. I don't really know.

TROY

Oh.

ABED

I mean, I wouldn't tell anyone. I don't think I'd tell myself.

TROY

Okay...

ABED

We cool?

TROY

Yeah, I think so.

ABED

Cool. Cool cool cool.

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD: AERODYNAMICS OF GENDER CONTINUED

Ivy Reed sits behind a table with a hand decorated sign "Drama Club Bake Sale!". Her curly brown hair is in two braided pigtails. She has a cash box and a notebook that she is doodling in. Abed Nadir approaches. Ivy slams the notebook shut.

IVY

Hungry?

ABED

Do you draw?

IVY

No. I'm actually really terrible at it.

ABED

Oh. How's the bake sale coming?

IVY

We ran out of Shirley's brownies an hour ago and it's been slow since then. Everything else is store bought...or Leonard's homemade rice crispy treats.

There is a half-empty plate of messy and gooey looking rice crispy treats. Some have sprinkles. None look appealing.

ABED

They seem to be selling.

IVY

Every twenty minutes I throw one out. Leonard keeps coming to check. Last time no one bought one and he flipped the table over.

ABED

Ah. I see. One rice crispy treat, please.

Ivy places the desert on a napkin. Abed gives her fifty cents.

IVY

You're a brave soul, Abed Nadir.

ABED

My friends think I like you.

IVY

Oh.

ABED

I don't think I do. Do you like me?

IVY

What?

ABED

We haven't had a lot of development. Maybe in two seasons.

IVY

Did you come over here to tell me that you don't like me?

ABED

And tell you that your pigtails make you look like a high schooler.

And support the drama club. Even though their shows are bad.

IVY

Thank you for your support. Goodbye.

ABED

You seem angry.

IVY

Leave, Abed.

Abed Nadir exits. Pierce Hawthorne comes up to the table.

PIERCE

My study group is talking about you.

IVY

Would you like to buy a cookie?

PIERCE

No.

IVY

Rice crispy treat?

PIERCE

Gross.

IVY

Chocolate covered pretzels?

PIERCE

No.

IVY

Then leave.

PIERCE

You're Abed's friend.

IVY

I most certainly am not.

PIERCE

You look familiar.

IVY

We go to Greendale together.

PIERCE

No...that's not it.

IVY

Garrett! Take over the table.

Ivy grabs her notebook and backpack and storms off. Garrett takes her seat.

GARRETT

Would you like to buy a rice crispy treat made by Leonard?

PIERCE

Buzz off, nerd.

Pierce leaves the table.

INT. GREENDALE GIRLS WASHROOM

Ivy is standing at the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. Her mascara is smudge and her face is pink. She pulls out one braid. Annie enters. She stops.

ANNIE

Hey.

IVY

Hi.

ANNIE

Are you okay?

IVY

I'm fine.

Ivy turns to Annie.

IVY (CONT'D)

Do braids make me look like a child?

ANNIE

Well, I think you'd look better with two.

Ivy pulls out the other braid.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Let me guess. Abed?

IVY

Why does everyone think I like him?

ANNIE

Britta and I actually turned him into a mean robot. This girl was being really mean and...Well, you don't need the whole story.

IVY

Whatever. It's stupid.

ANNIE

I like braids. Don't let Abed change your mind.

IVY

He came up to the table at the bake sale to tell me that he doesn't like me.

ANNIE

Oh!

IVY

I'm being dumb.

ANNIE

You're not. That's really mean.

IVY

I don't even - I never said -

Her phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket.

IVY (CONT'D)

It's my brother.

ANNIE

The weatherman?

IVY

I have to take this.

Ivy starts to leave, but then turns around.

IVY (CONT'D)

Hey Annie?

ANNIE

Yeah?

IVY

Thanks.

Ivy exits. Annie smiles at herself in the mirror.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Ivy is walking out of a classroom. Abed joins her.

ABED

I owe you an apology.

IVY

I hear you owe a lot of people apologies.

ABED

I do, but mostly you. So, I'm sorry.

IVY

Why'd you even do it?

ABED

I got worried. About liking a girl. Potentially.

IVY

So you do like me?

ABED

I'm not sure. I would need to do a further study.

IVY

Well, you can make it up to me.

ABED

How?

IVY

It's chicken nugget day in the cafeteria. I'll let you buy me some.

ABED

Cool. Cool cool cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hopefully, you've enjoyed reading. I've already got twenty chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD : "COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY" CONTINUED

Ivy Reeds sits on a bench in the quad with a lint roller. She is brushing hair on her clothing. Troy and Abed come running up.

TROY

Did we miss all the puppies?

IVY

It was canceled.

TROY

Really?

The pair examines her. She continued removing hair.

ABED

She's trying to spare our feelings.

TROY

Dang it. It was awesome, wasn't it?

IVY

Do you want the truth?

TROY

Yes. Wait! No. Wait! Yes. Wait! No.

IVY

Awful. All the puppies with demons who bit.

TROY

Really?

IVY

Garrett had to get a rabies shot.

TROY

Okay. So we didn't miss much. Other than Garrett getting bitten by a dog. Still cool, but not as cool. Guys, I'm going to go watch videos of puppies on the internet. Abed, want to come?

ABED

I'll catch up with you.

Troy exits. Abed sits on the bench with Ivy. He brushes dog hair off her shoulders.

ABED (CONT'D)

How was it really?

IVY

It was worth every midterm I've ever taken. I want to adopt all of them.

ABED

I'm glad you had a good time.

IVY

Thanks.

Abed exits and goes after Troy. Ivy smiles to herself.

INT. GREENDALE BLANKET FORT: CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND INTERIOR DESIGN CONTINUED

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir are in their blanket fort, examining blueprints to expand. Ivy Reed crawls in with a small bag.

IVY

I have some very important for both of you.

She pulls two small tape players out of her bag. They are each on strings. She places one around Troy's neck and then Abed.

IVY (CONT'D)

Hit play.

Abed does. An epic song plays: There are no words - it is a dramatic score like in a movie. The type of music that is played when the hero is running out of time to save the president from being assassinated.

TROY

This is awesome.

IVY

You never want to be in a situation when you need a soundtrack and don't have one.

TROY

This is awesome. Isn't is Abed?

ABED

I know.

TROY

What?

ABED

It's cool. Cool cool cool.

Abed looks increasingly nervous.

TROY

You okay, buddy?

ABED

I'm fine. Totally fine.

IVY

Great. Anyway, I'm going to go exploring.

ABED

We have maps.

IVY

No thanks. It's more fun this way.

She pulls out a third tape player and turns it on. She crawls off. Abed watches her go.

TROY

I've changed my mind about her. She's cool. Really cool. Did you hear Garrett asked her out?

ABED

She's dating Garrett?

TROY

No. She turned him down.

ABED

Cool. Cool cool cool.

EXT. GREENDALE HALLWAY - OUTSIDE ABED'S DORM ROOM : "MIXOLOGY CERTIFICATION" LOST SCENE

Ivy stands outside Abed Nadir's dorm room holding a two-liter bottle of ginger ale and a white greasy takeout bag. She knocks on the door. A groan is heard from the other side. She knocks again.

Abed Nadir opens the door with a comforter wrapped around him. The room behind him is dark and the curtains are drawn.

ABED

Oh. Ivy. Sorry. I'm sick.

IVY

You're not sick. You're hung over.

ABED

How do you know that?

IVY

I ran into Troy when he dropped you off last night. I gave him a proper 21st birthday drink. And a cupcake.

ABED

Ran into him where?

IVY

Dropping you off. I live down the hall.

ABED

Oh.

Ivy holds up the bag.

IVY

I brought substance. And painkillers.

ABED

I don't think I can eat right now.

IVY

Oh. You can and you should.

ABED

I'm not wearing pants.

IVY

Move over.

Abed steps aside and Ivy comes into Abed's dorm room.

EXT. ABED'S DORM ROOM

Ivy puts down her things and heads for his DVD collection. She looks for a long while. Abed watches her.

IVY

Nice underwear. I like the red hearts.

ABED

Thanks.

Ivy runs her fingers along the DVDs. She stops at one.

IVY

Kickerpuncher?

ABED

Do you want to watch Kickpuncher?

IVY

How can you not watch it? Oh! Wait!

Ivy pulls out Star Trek DVDs.

IVY (CONT'D)

This. It has to be this. Always this. Actually, it's not great for hangovers.

ABED

What do you mean?

IVY

Spocks deserves full attention. You aren't going to give him that hungover.

Ivy stops and looks at Abed, who is still watching her.

IVY (CONT'D)

Sorry. I didn't mean to take over. What do you want to watch?

Abed doesn't answer. Ivy gets uncomfortable.

IVY (CONT'D)

Sorry. I can go.

She starts to leave.

ABED

No!

Ivy stops.

ABED (CONT'D)

I mean, I'll probably just watch movies anyway. You can stay. If you want.

Abed goes over to the shelf and pulls out Star Wars: The Last Hope.

ABED (CONT'D)

Star Wars?

IVY

Sounds perfect.

Abed puts in the film and the pair makes themselves comfortable on opposite sides of the couch. Ivy unwraps the bag and pulls out two greasy breakfast sandwiches. She hands one to Abed. He takes one.

IVY (CONT'D)

It will help. Trust me.

The movie begins.

EXT. ABED'S DORM ROOM - HOURS LATER

It is much later. Star Wars: Return of the Jedi plays in the background. The breakfast wrappers have been tossed aside and the ginger ale is nearly gone. Abed's feet are propped up on the table. Ivy's asleep with her head in Abed's lap.

The credits begin rolling. Abed shakes Ivy gently. She stirs for a moment and snuggles closer to Abed. He blushes. He wraps the blanket tighter around her and reaches for the remote. It starts the movie from the beginning.

EXT. ABED'S DORM ROOM - LATE IN THE EVENING

Abed's phone rings. Ivy stirs. Abed tries to reach the phone without waking her, but can't. The phone rings again and Ivy opens her eyes. She realizes what she is doing and jumps up.

IVY

Oh! Sorry.

ABED

It's okay.

Abed reaches for the phone and stares at it.

ABED (CONT'D)

It's Troy.

IVY

You can answer it.

Abed ignores the call.

IVY (CONT'D)

Was I asleep long?

ABED

We're forty minutes into Return of the Jedi.

IVY

How are you feeling?

ABED

Better. You were right. Greasy food helps.

IVY

I'm glad...I should go. It's getting late and you should call Troy back.

ABED

Or you could stay and finish the movie. If you wanted.

IVY

Ok. I'll finish the movie.

Ivy offers some to the blanket to Abed, which he accepts. They are sitting close enough that their shoulders are touching.

EXT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM : ASIAN POPULATION STUDIES MISSING SCENE

Ivy enters what appears to be some sort of mixer. The Greendale six is looking for a new member of the study group. Abed notices immediately and goes to meet her.

ABED

I didn't know you were coming.

Troy joins the conversation.

TROY

Ivy! You got my invitation.

IVY

You mean the scrap paper you shoved under my door?

TROY

I signed it anonymously.

IVY

It was on the back of your math test.

TROY

Anyway, I thought you might want to join our study group.

Pierce runs up to Troy.

PIERCE

Hey, I knew to talk to you. About the thing. With Chang. And, uh, not Shirley.

Pierce looks closely at Ivy.

IVY

Can I help you?

PIERCE

I swear I know you from somewhere.

IVY

We got to school together.

PIERCE

That's not it.

TROY

No. I'm pretty sure that's true.

PIERCE

Do you have a mother?

IVY

Yes?

TROY

Pierce. Focus! Excuse us, won't you?

Troy drags Pierce off.

ABED

I didn't realize you were friends with Troy.

IVY

We got to talking on his birthday. He's cool.

ABED

I know he's cool.

IVY

Are you okay?

ABED

I'm fine. There's kettle corn. Let me get you kettle corn.

Abed exits, leaving Ivy confused.


	4. Chapter 4

EXT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir are eating lunch.

TROY

I've been buying a lot of cereal. I'm saving up the box tops for a spoon that looks like a light saber.

ABED

Nice. Did you know that Pulp Fiction did a cereal spoon in 1984? I've been trying to track it down on the internet.

TROY

Ivy told me that she collects Inspector Spacetime mugs. She's got one from 1972.

ABED

We don't watch that show.

TROY

Yeah, but it's awesome. I haven't seen it, but it apparently looks like a phone booth. She says I can drink out of it on my birthday next year.

ABED

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays.

TROY

Yeah, but I really want to drink out of that mug.

Pierce Hawthorne enters, slamming his try down beside Troys.

PIERCE

You two are always talking about that Ivy chick. Which one of you is banging her?

TROY

We're not banging her. We're just friends.

PIERCE

Good. You shouldn't be.

Abed and Troy exchange a confused look.

PIERCE (CONT'D)

How old is she?

TROY

Pierce. Don't be gross. I'm going to get another cookie. You want one, Abed?

Abed snaps his finger and points are Troy, raising his right eyebrow. This means yes. Pierce and Abed are left alone.

PIERCE

What does Ivy's mother do for a living?

ABED

Why do you want to know?

PIERCE

Ivy looks familiar to me. Almost like this girl I used to date, but it was over twenty years ago.

ABED

Her mom's a flight attendant.

PIERCE

That's it! Reed!

ABED

That's her last name.

PIERCE

I got it! I banged Ivy's mom.

ABED

That doesn't seem plausible.

PIERCE

I thought about making her wife number four actually, but then she got with this guy -

Troy reenters with two cookies.

TROY

What are we talking about?

ABED

Pierce thinks he had sex with Ivy's mom.

PIERCE

I did!

Annie and Jeff join the table.

JEFF

What did Pierce do?

ABED

Ivy's mom. He thinks.

ANNIE

Pierce! That's so gross.

PIERCE

It was before she was born. I almost married her.

ANNIE

You were in love with her?

JEFF

I wouldn't take it that far. Pierce is three steps away from almost marrying Abed. And Troy. And probably you.

PIERCE

No. This time I'm serious. Angela Reed. We dated for a few weeks then she ran off with some guy, so I married someone else.

JEFF

Touching story. I maybe wouldn't mention this to Ivy.

ABED

You don't think she'd want to know?

JEFF

One: No. I really don't. Would you want to know if Pierce had slept with your mom?

TROY

Definitely not.

JEFF

Two: This is Pierce. He also claims he slept with Urtha Kid.

PIERCE

Mostly it was just rubbing.

Annie makes a disgusted face.

JEFF

See? Annie's look says it all. We shouldn't upset an innocent girl because Pierce thinks he did something he probably didn't do.

PIERCE

I did!

JEFF

And I believe that you think so.

PIERCE

Great. So we all agree.

ANNIE

Should we tell Britta? What about Shirley?

JEFF

No way. The less people that know the better. Besides, one of them might tell her. Shirley loves to gossip and Britta likes to try and right injustices that might not exist. It spells disaster. Now, on to the next topic of conversation...Anyone?

The table is silent for a moment, all looking at one another. Britta approaches the table.

BRITTA

Hey guys, what are we talking about?

The group stares at each other. No one is sure what to say.

ANNIE

How're your cats?

Jeff looks are Annie and mouths the word "Really?". Annie shrugs. Britta sits down.

BRITTA

Well, Susie B had to be on a special diet, which is hard because usually, the cats share food now all the cats have to have special dining areas -

EXT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Annie Edison, Jeff Winger, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, and Pierce Hawthorne are sitting at the table, chatting. Abed and Troy are pouring over the latest edition of "The Crimson Comet."

ANNIE

I just think that it's important that we - that we...

Annie is distracted as Stanley Powers enters.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Stanley!

The group turns to look at Stanley. Jeff Winger is visibly annoyed.

JEFF

(sarcastically)

Oh! Stanley! What a delight!

STANLEY

I was looking for my sister. Have you seen her?

JEFF

We're not your sister's keeper, Stanley.

ANNIE

Did you guys know that people refer to Stanley as Stormy Powers because his forecasts are so accurate?

JEFF

Anyone can be a weatherman.

ANNIE

That's not true, Jeff!

JEFF

Isn't it?

STANLEY

I have a master's degree in meteorology. It would take about the same time as getting a law degree - if you got one the correct way.

JEFF

Oh great! He tells jokes.

PIERCE

What's your mom's name?

TROY

Pierce! Drop it.

STANLEY

Angela

The group looks at each other - disturbed.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

Is that a bad name?

TROY

How come you and Ivy have different last names?

JEFF

(sarcastically)

Yeah. Did you have to change it for show business?

STANLEY

Ivy's my half-sister. My parents split up for a year. Our mom was dating two guys and one of them got her pregnant.

JEFF

Did she know which one?

STANLEY

(faltering)

Excuse me?

JEFF

I mean, was there a paternity test?

STANLEY

Is he calling my mother a whore?

Shirley Bennett walks in.

ANNIE

No! Our friend Shirley is in a similar situation.

SHIRLEY

What kind of situation?

ABED

Your baby could belong to your husband or Chang -

SHIRLEY

My husband is the father of my baby, thank you very much.

ABED

Who's Ivy's father?

Stanley's face turns dark.

STANLEY

She sees him like twice a year. Listen, my father has always been there for Ivy. A man who raises a child is really the father.

SHIRLEY

Exactly! Like Andre will be for my child. Who is also biologically his.

STANLEY

Look, I just wanted to see if my sister could hem a new suit for me. Has anyone seen her?

The group looks to each other. At the moment, Ivy walks in, but Stanley does not notice.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

Are you reading the Crimson Comet? Ivy -

IVY

(interrupting)

Hallway!

STANLEY

But they're reading -

IVY

(interrupting)

Now!

The pair exits into the hallway together. Through the window we see them talking animatedly. Pierce looks delighted.

PIERCE

I've always wanted a daughter!

JEFF

Come on, Pierce. Ivy has a father. It seems like she has two.

PIERCE

Yeah, but ones a deadbeat.

SHIRLEY

What is he talking about?

ABED

Pierce says he used to date Ivy's mom.

PIERCE

I was one of those two guys!

SHIRLEY

Pierce!

TROY

Pierce could be wrong. Old people have trouble remembering things.

PIERCE

Don't be a dick, dick.

ANNIE

This isn't proof.

PIERCE

I slept with Ivy's mom! I slept with the weatherman's mom! That's practically a celebrity.

JEFF

Let's all just calm down. A weatherman is a long way from a celebrity.

SHIRLEY

(annoyed)

And you all know about this? Except me?

ANNIE

We haven't told Britta.

JEFF

And we're not going to. We don't want to hurt this girl by with information that's probably a lie. This ends right here.

Shirley is pleased.

SHIRLEY

As long as I'm not the last to know, then I'm pleased.

Shirley turns to Pierce.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

And Pierce? Leave that poor girl alone. She already has a father and it's not you.

Before Pierce can protest, Ivy and Stanley reenter the room. The group falls silent.

STANLEY

(to Ivy)

Why are they suddenly so quiet?

IVY

It means they were talking about us.

JEFF

We weren't talking about you.

TROY

(unconvincingly)

Yeah! We were talking about...chicken!

ANNIE

Yeah. I love Chicken.

SHIRLEY

Chicken is the best!

ABED

Yum.

PIERCE

I could make better chicken than all of you.

SHIRLEY

I know you didn't just insult my cooking.

IVY

This got weird.

STANLEY

You'll hem the suit?

IVY

Yeah, but I'm charging you.

STANLEY

Sure. Of course. It was nice to -

Stanley exits without finishing. Ivy pulls a chair between Troy and Abed.

IVY

I need your help.

ABED

With what?

IVY

Actually, I need Troy's help.

TROY

Yeah?

IVY

I need you to teach me how to throw a football.

JEFF

Why a football?

IVY

I got into a bet with Starburns. If he can throw a football further than me then I have to start calling him Alex.

TROY

Who's Alex?

IVY

Starburns

PIERCE

Starburns what?

IVY

Starburns real name is Alex.

TROY

Then why did he shave stars on his face?

IVY

I don't know. Will you help me?

TROY

Sure. Of course.

Britta comes running into the study room.

BRITTA

Did I miss the hot weatherman?

JEFF

You just missed him.

BRITTA

Annie! We had a deal.

ANNIE

I sent a text!

BRITTA

Yeah, but now he's gone. It's not fair!

JEFF

What deal?

ANNIE

Since Britta and I both are interested in Stanley, we've come up with a few rules - so the whole Vagn thing won't happen again.

BRITTA

You have to text me the second he comes into the study room! It's a neutral zone!

ANNIE

I did! I can't help it if he had to go.

BRITTA

Did you tell him I was coming?

ANNIE

That wasn't part of the deal.

BRITTA

Well, it should have been!

SHIRLEY

You girls need to settle this.

JEFF

Yeah, how about neither of you dates him?

BRITTA

Why? You jealous?

ANNIE

Jealous much?

JEFF

I just care about the dynamics of the group.

Both girls scoff.

ABED

Why don't you just ask him who he likes?

All of the girls burst out laughing. The boys look confused.

ANNIE

You can't just ask a guy if he likes you.

JEFF

Some men like forward girls.

BRITTA

Would you?

Jeff doesn't say anything.

BRITTA (CONT'D)

Exactly. Boys like to chase girls.

PIERCE

I would like it.

TROY

In high school, girls used to do that to me all the time.

ANNIE

I know, Troy. I was one of them.

TROY

Oh.

SHIRLEY

Men just tend to need a little guidance.

JEFF

But that's sexist, isn't it Britta?

ANNIE

Oh, Britta isn't worried about that.

TROY

(to Ivy)

Is this true?

IVY

I mean, kind of?

BRITTA

I do care!

JEFF

So you're going to tell him?

IVY

I wouldn't tell a guy that I liked him without some sort of sign. Everyone does it.

JEFF

I don't.

BRITTA

And what do you call all your smooth talking?

IVY

If you don't feel out the situation, you could make someone uncomfortable. In this situation, that person is me.

ANNIE

The weatherman is Ivy's brother!

IVY

Exactly.

BRITTA

You're close, right?

IVY

Kind of?

ANNIE

You can find out who he likes.

IVY

We don't really talk about that -

BRITTA

I will respect whatever he decides.

ANNIE

Me too.

Britta holds out her hand. Annie shakes it.

BRITTA

May the best girl will.

ANNIE

She will.

IVY

(to Troy)

Tomorrow? 1:00?

TROY

Sure.

IVY

You're the best.

Ivy looks are the comic the pair is reading.

TROY

It's the best issue yet.

IVY

Yeah?

ABED

I prefer the giant hamster, but this one is good too.

Ivy ruffles both of their hair and exits.

EXT. GREENDALE FOOTBALL FIELD - THE NEXT DAY

Ivy is wearing black leggings, running shoes, and an over-sized Star Wars tee-shirt. Troy Barnes enters with a football, wearing a Greendale jersey. Abed Nadir is with him in his regular clothes.

ABED

Nice shirt.

IVY

It's the closest I have to a jersey.

TROY

Alright, so let's get started.

Troy hands Ivy the football, she stars at it but doesn't take it.

TROY (CONT'D)

Do you want to call Starburns "Alex"?

Ivy takes the football. She grips it tightly, exactly how a football player would.

TROY (CONT'D)

There you go! That's great! Now, just throw it.

Ivy tosses the ball...using an underhand throw. She used only her forearm and not her body.

TROY (CONT'D)

Here, give me the football?

Ivy hands the football over. Troy takes the proper stance.

TROY (CONT'D)

See? Hold the football like this. Now, you try.

Ivy grabs the football and gives a feeble attempt at Troy's position. Troy signs.

TROY (CONT'D)

Abed, you might want to take a seat. This is going to take awhile. Ivy, try again.

Ivy takes the stance again. Troy steps forward, angles her hips with his hands. Then he alters her arm position.

TROY (CONT'D)

Here. This is better. Now, when you throw the ball, you have to follow through. Let me show you.

Troy aligns his body with Ivy's. They each have a hand on a football. Together, they throw the ball. Abed raises his eyebrows but says nothing. It sores through the air. Ivy jumps up.

IVY

Woah!

TROY

Yeah, I know.

IVY

That was so good. Abed, did you see that?

ABED

Yeah. Too bad you can't bring Troy to the bet.

IVY

I wish.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Britta Perry, Jeff Winger, Abed Nadir, and Troy Barnes are sitting in their respective seats around the table. Troy is speaking animatedly.

TROY

She threw a football so far! And when we started, she was baaaad. Wasn't she Abed?

ABED

She was pretty terrible.

TROY

I think I found my true calling.

JEFF

Flirting with girls?

TROY

What?

BRITTA

Jeff!

TROY

What is he talking about?

ABED

It's a classic move. Boy meets girl. Girl can't play sport. He teaches her and they fall in love.

Shirley Bennett and Annie Edison enter together.

TROY

We're not in love!

SHIRLEY

Who's not in love?

ABED

Troy taught Ivy to throw a football.

TROY

For a bet!

ANNIE

Wait. I thought that Ivy liked -

Annie is interrupted by Ivy bursting into the room.

IVY

Troy! You missed it.

TROY

What do you mean?

IVY

The bet! I faced off with Starburns. I texted Abed that it was at 12:30.

TROY

He texted me 2:30.

ABED

Oh. Sorry. I must have forgotten the one.

TROY

Wait did you say Starburns? Did we win?

IVY

Hell yeah we did.

Troy jumps up from his chair. The two hug each other. The study groups looks at each other, all but Troy and Abed.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Early 21st Century Romanticism:

Abed Nadir is in the study with Ivy Reeds. Abed is wearing a Han Solo Costume, while Ivy is hemming it. Ivy sniffs loudly.

ABED

Are you sick?

IVY

No.

ABED

Are you lying?

IVY

Hold still. You wouldn't want me to stab you with a pin.

The study room door opens and Britta Perry enters with Ivy's step-brother, Stanley Winters. Britta is laughing at whatever he is saying, a little too loudly.

BRITTA

I love dogs!

IVY

Don't you have like seven cats?

BRITTA

Not seven! Besides, I love all animals. I'm a vegetarian.

STANLEY

Well, I'm sure my dog would love you. He's a little skittish though. He's a rescue.

BRITTA

Aw. That's so sweet!

Ivy rolls her eyes and sniffs.

STANLEY

So listen, Ivy, we have to talk. Huey is in town.

IVY

No.

STANLEY

He asked about -

At this moment, Ivy accidentally stabs Abed with a pin.

ABED

Ow!

IVY

Sorry.

At that moment, Annie runs in, out of breath.

ANNIE

Britta!

BRITTA

Oh hey. I was just about to text you.

ANNIE

You were not.

BRITTA

Well, I guess we'll never know.

STANLEY

It's just two days. The band is playing a show on Valentine's Day.

ANNIE

Greendale's having a dance that day.

STANLEY

Ah, I wish I could make it. I'm doing the evening news that night.

IVY

Couldn't find a date?

STANLEY

I'm covering the shift for a coworker. She and her husband are having a rough patch. I said I'd cover her shift so they could reconnect.

ANNIE

That's so nice of you.

BRITTA

Uh huh. It's really nice. Super nice.

ANNIE

They nicest.

IVY

Depends on whether or not he caused the rough patch.

STANLEY

Oh ye of little faith. Look, one of us should go to the show. I'm working.

IVY

I'm going to the dance.

STANLEY

What? With Han Solo over here?

ABED

Actually, Troy and I are taking the librarian. We're competing for her heart. Ow!

Ivy has stabbed Abed with a pin. Jeff Winger enters.

JEFF

Oh, look, the local weatherman.

STANLEY

Jeff. How...nice to see you again.

JEFF

Yeah well, I'm surprised you're here. Don't you have the weather to predict? Or are you having trouble competing with the internet?

STANLEY

Well, not that it hasn't been fun, but I should get back to work. You know, that job I earned by actually having a degree?

Britta and Annie giggle. Jeff sends them a withering stare, but they both ignore it.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

Ivy, tell me you think about it?

IVY

I'll say whatever you want to make you leave, but I'm not going.

STANLEY

You're a pain. Anyway, Britta, you have my number. Let me know if you need more information about that animal shelter.

Annie gapes. Stanley exits.

ANNIE

You have to give me his number.

BRITTA

I can't give out someone else's phone number.

ANNIE

Britta!

BRITTA

Besides, what are you going to text him about? Hey Stanley! This is Annie and I'm hopelessly in love with you?

ANNIE

Pfft. No! Besides, you don't need another cat.

BRITTA

You don't know what I need.

Ivy steps back from Abed. She puts away her extra pins.

IVY

You're done. Take it off.

Abed carefully removes his Han Solo vest.

ABED

Who's Huey?

IVY

No one, as far as I'm concerned.

Ivy takes the vest and walks out.

ANNIE

Fine. I don't need your help, Britta. Good luck with you ninety-nine cats. Boys love that.

Annie exits, chasing after Ivy.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Annie runs after Ivy.

ANNIE

Ivy! Wait up!

IVY

I'm not giving you Stan's number.

ANNIE

That's not what I'm here for. I was wondering if you wanted to help me buy a dress for the dance? We could go shopping.

IVY

You want to go shop with me?

ANNIE

Well, I'm not taking Britta. Shirley's busy with her kids. I just thought -

IVY

4:30?

ANNIE

Sounds great!

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD

Ivy Reeds sits on a bench with a tissue in hand. She wipes at her nose while she reads a book called "Costuming through Science Fiction".

Pierce Hawthorne sits down next to her. Ivy shifts further away on the bench. Pierce shifts closer. He offers her a handkerchief.

PIERCE

I know this ages me. You don't have to point it out.

Ivy hesitates but accepts the handkerchief.

IVY

Thanks. It's just allergies.

PIERCE

Right. Listen, I heard about Abed and Troy and the Librarian.

IVY

So?

PIERCE

I wanted to say you're prettier than that girl.

IVY

Are you hitting on me?

PIERCE

What? No! You could be my daughter. You know. Age wise.

IVY

Well...then thanks. I'm really not bothered by it.

PIERCE

I know, but in case you are - I just wanted to say that you're an intelligent girl. Troy and Abed? They're kind of idiots.

IVY

Right.

PIERCE

Good. I mean, I'm sure you're dad says this kind of stuff...

IVY

Not really. He's kind of a deadbeat. I mean, he's around sometimes. Late birthday cards and then occasional Christmas...but he's not, you know.

PIERCE

Oh, I know.

IVY

My step dad's great but he's -

PIERCE

Not your father?

IVY

Yeah.

PIERCE

Well, I'm glad to be of service. On that note -

Pierce moonwalks away. Ivy watches him go in shock.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO GREENDALE DANCE

Annie Edison stands by herself, watching Britta Perry dancing with her friend Paige, who is not a lesbian. Abed Nadir walks up.

ANNIE

Hey! How's your date with the librarian?

ABED

It's going well. She picked Troy.

ANNIE

Oh. I'm sorry, Abed.

ABED

Don't be. I'm not upset.

ANNIE

Really? I thought she liked her?

ABED

I think I wanted to date her for the wrong reasons. Besides, she picked Troy and I know that Troy's a good guy.

ANNIE

That's very mature of you.

ABED

Thanks. Where's your date?

ANNIE

I don't have one.

ABED

I thought you were going with Ivy. Like a friend date. An actual friend date. Not like Britta's where you both think the other is a lesbian but neither one of you is.

ANNIE

She's sick. It's a shame. Her dress was really cute.

At that moment, Annie's phone buzzes. She reaches for it excitedly.

ABED

Who's that?

ANNIE

It's Stanley. But don't tell Britta.

ABED

You text Stanley?

ANNIE

The Dean agreed that Stanley would be a great guest lecturer for journalism students. I'm organizing it.

ABED

So you're using that as an excuse to text the weatherman?

ANNIE

Ah, no! I care about Greendale. If the man who can help us happens to be cute... Well, that's just a bonus.

ABED

Ahh. Got it.

ANNIE

But don't tell Britta.

ABED

Okay.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DANCE - LATER THAT EVENING

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir stand in the hallway, talking to each other.

TROY

We can do better than her anyway. Librarians aren't that hot.

ABED

You really like her, don't you?

TROY

I care about our friendship way more.

ABED

Troy, I'm sorry.

TROY

For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.

ABED

I think I was interested in the librarian for the wrong reasons. I didn't know it at the time, but I think I decided I liked her because I was jealous.

TROY

Of what?

ABED

Ivy.

TROY

Ohhh.

ABED

Yeah.

TROY

Ivy's great, but I don't like Ivy. And I'm pretty sure that Ivy doesn't like me.

ABED

But you taught her how to throw a football like in the movies.

TROY

Here's the thing: One great scene doesn't make a movie. Jumping the shark is cool, but there has to more to jumping the shark or the show gets cancelled, you know?

ABED

Yeah, I get it. We cool?

TROY

Yeah, we're cool.

Troy and Abed perform their handshake, willing their fingers together and slapping their chests three times.

ABED

Now, there's something I've got to do.

TROY

Listen, if you're doing what I think you're doing -

ABED

Go make out with the librarian.

TROY

Awesome.

The boys head in different directions. Troy returns to the dance while Abed exits.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY OUTSIDE IVY'S DORM

Abed Nadir knocks on a door to a dorm room. The whiteboard outside reads "DO NOT ENTER" in bold block letters. A poster for the Greendale Community College Drama Club is taped below the whiteboard.

Ivy opens the door wide. Her nose and eyes are red. Her skin is pale. She is wearing short pajama shorts and a thin tank top. When she sees Abed, she panics and mostly closes the door.

ABED

Can I come in?

IVY

(from the other side of the door)

One minute!

Ivy reopens the door, now wearing an oversized Greendale sweatshirt.

IVY (CONT'D)

Why aren't you at the dance?

ABED

I heard you were sick. Can I come in?

Ivy steps away from the door. Abed walks inside.

INT. IVY'S DORM ROOM

Ivy has a set of bunk beds. The top bunk is made to perfection, while the bottom bunk is unmade and messy. A small trashcan is filled with tissues. There is a comfortable looking couch with a large bookcase next to it. The top shelves of the bookcase is decorated with Inspector Spacetime mugs. The bottom shelves are lined with DVDs. Across from the couch is a coffee table with a fishbowl and two fish. On the other side of the coffee table is a TV.

In the corner of the room stand three dress stands. Two hold half made costume, but a blue dress with tags hangs on one. A clothing rack os costumes rest behind it.

IVY

(pointing to the fish)

That's Lineal. Sorry for the mess.

Abed wanders over to the Inspector Spacetime mug collection. Many of the mugs are kept in clear plastic boxes.

ABED

This is cool.

IVY

So, why did you leave the dance? Don't you have a librarian to date?

ABED

She picked Troy.

IVY

Oh. I'm sorry.

ABED

I'm not. I don't think I really liked her. I was just jealous.

IVY

Of what?

ABED

Troy seemed to have the attention of this other girl I liked, so I thought getting this girl would make me feel better.

IVY

Oh.

ABED

Yeah. It was dumb.

IVY

Kind of.

Abed riffles through Ivy's DVDs.

ABED

Are you tired?

IVY

Not really.

ABED

Do you want to watch a movie?

Ivy doesn't answer. After a moment, Abed notices and turns around.

ABED (CONT'D)

Was I being rude? I don't always notice. Your DVD collection isn't bad.

IVY

You're missing the dance.

ABED

I don't mind.

IVY

I'm probably contagious.

ABED

Probably. That doesn't bother me either.

IVY

We can watch a movie. You pick. I'm groggy.

Ivy sits on the couch and pulls her legs to her chest. Abed holds up a DVD. It is "The Breakfast Club". Ivy nods. Abed loads the DVD into the player.

Abed sits next to Ivy. She hands him the remote from the coffee table. He takes it but doesn't press play.

ABED

I thought you might like Troy because he taught you to throw a football.

IVY

I like Troy. Just not romantically.

ABED

I think I like you romantically. Is that okay? On TV, the guy usually sweeps the girl off her feet and kisses her, but you're sick. Also, I haven't determined if you like me. I could have tried a grande romantic gesture, but this was more sir of the moment. Should I plan a big romantic gesture? Because I could watch some movies and get back to you -

IVY

(interrupting)

Abed! I don't need a big romantic gesture.

ABED

Okay. Good.

IVY

And I like you too. Romantically.

ABED

Cool. Cool cool cool.

Abed scoots closer to Ivy. Ivy leans over and turns the lights off. They are illuminated by only the TV. Breakfast club begins playing in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping for more reviews. I already have quite a bit written.


	5. Chapter 5

INT. HOSPITAL

Jeff Winger sits in the waiting room of a hospital next to Annie Edison. Shirley Bennett is out of earshot - on the phone with her husband. Troy Barnes is sitting in silence and rocking back and forth in a hospital chair. Britta is off to the side, staring at a blank check.

ANNIE

Jeff, I think we're in trouble.

JEFF

Annie, Pierce is playing tricks on us. He's driving us to insanity.

ANNIE

Jeff, Ivy's in there right now.

JEFF

Abed's with her.

ANNIE

He's filming. It's a documentary. Pierce is going to tell her -

JEFF

Oh.

ANNIE

Yeah.

JEFF

Bad day to be Ivy.

ANNIE

Aren't we going to do something?

JEFF

What can we do?

The pair is silent for a moment. Thinking.

ANNIE

Do you think Ivy would punch a hospital patient?

Ivy emerges from the room. She sniffles.

JEFF

Is she crying?

ANNIE

No. I don't think so.

JEFF

She's sniffling a lot.

Abed reaches into his pocket and hands Ivy a handkerchief. She smiles at him.

INT HOSPITAL HALLWAY - IVY'S TALKING HEAD

IVY

It's weird. He just told me that he didn't have any children and he wanted someone to hold his hand for awhile as a daughter would. It was sad really.

ABED

(from behind the camera)

So he didn't say anything...no heartfelt revelations?

IVY

No. You were there.

Abed puts the camera down but forgets to shut it off. We cannot see him and Ivy talking, but we can hear them.

ABED

Are you feeling better?

IVY

A little. I'm mostly just groggy and gross.

ABED

I can come by later. We can do a full Brat Pack movie marathon.

IVY

Aren't you worried about getting sick?

ABED

No. It's a good opportunity for a role reversal episode.

IVY

Alright. Let me know how the documentary goes.

INT. STUDENT LOUNGE BY CAFETERIA - INTRO TO POLITICAL SCIENCE EDIT

Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir are sitting on the couches, going over notes for their pretend show for the Greendale Community College Election. Ivy enters, holding campaign posters for Annie.

IVY

You're voting for Annie, right?

ABED

She is the logical choice, but Jeff is also our friend.

IVY

So is Pierce. You aren't voting for him, are you?

Troy and Abed exchange a look.

TROY

I'm thinking of voting for Garrett. He just wanted ice cream and I also want ice cream.

IVY

Abed, did I see you talking to that secret agent?

ABED

The blonde one?

IVY

Yeah. Robin.

TROY

You know her?

IVY

Oh, I definitely -

Stanley Powers, the local weatherman, and Ivy's half-brother comes running in.

STANLEY

She's here?

IVY

Don't freak out.

STANLEY

I'm not freaking out! Guys, can you tell her I'm not freaking out?

ABED

You seem freaked out.

TROY

Yeah. Definitely freaked out.

STANLEY

Where is she?

IVY

I don't know she's secret service.

Abed points towards the other end of the cafeteria.

ABED

She's over there.

They all turn to where Abed is pointing. Robin looks directly at them...we think. She's wearing sunglasses indoors.

ABED (CONT'D)

She definitely noticed.

Annie Edison joins the group.

ANNIE

Hey Stanley! Did you come to see me crush Jeff in the election for Greendale student body president? Oh! Do you want to be my celebrity endorsement?

STANLEY

Sorry, Annie. I have to go find the love of my life.

Stanley runs off in Robin's direction. Robin quickly exits through the cafeteria door. Annie looks hurt.

IVY

Don't take it personally. They went to high school together. He was into her before he was attractive and on TV.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY - LATER

Pierce Hawthorne is walking down the hallway. He hand is out of frame. Ivy Reed is walking by at the same time.

IVY

Pierce! What happened to your hand?

PIERCE

I may have pushed Vicky a little too far.

Pierce holds up his hand. A pencil is sticking out of it.

INT. ABED'S DORM ROOM

Ivy Reeds sits on the couch with Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes.

TROY

So, who'd you enter up voting for?

IVY

Well, Annie and Jeff dropped out and I couldn't pick Leonard...so South Park.

TROY

Us too!

Abed nudges Troy with his shoulder. Troy looks at him and nods.

TROY (CONT'D)

(lying...badly)

Wow! Look at the time. I should be going to bed.

Troy fake yawns. The digital clock reads 8:45.

IVY

Really? You're that tired?

TROY

Yup! Okay, Bye! I'll see you guys around.

Troy hurriedly exits. Ivy turns to Abed.

IVY

He's gotten really good at subtly.

ABED

That was sarcasm.

IVY

Yes.

ABED

I've been meaning to ask you something. Well, tell you something really.

IVY

Yeah?

ABED

I know we haven't talked about labels. I don't care about labels really, but you should know that I'm not dating other people. Not that I'm asking you not to. I just don't want to date other people.

IVY

I'm not dating other people.

ABED

Good to know.

IVY

But I should confess something.

ABED

What?

IVY

I haven't seen Cougar Town.

Abed's eyes go wide, as though something horrible has happened.

IVY (CONT'D)

I was hoping we could watch Cougar Town. If you still want to hang out with me.

Abed visibly relaxes.

ABED

Okay. I think you'll like it. It's a great show. My favorite show.

IVY

I know.

Abed gets up and grabs a box set. Ivy gets up too.

IVY (CONT'D)

Hey, Abed?

Abed turns around and Ivy kisses him quickly. She then sits back down, cheeks bright red.

Abed puts the DVD into the DVD player and sits down next to her.

ABED

This is usually the moment when the guy puts his arm around the girl.

IVY

It's a good moment.

Abed places his arm around Ivy.

ABED

I promise not to do that thing from Grease where I pretend to sneeze and then I place my hand onto your breast.

IVY

What a gentleman.

ABED

Before we start -

Abed leans over and kisses Ivy. Her phones buzzes. She pulls back and hits ignore.

ABED (CONT'D)

You can answer that.

IVY

No. It's just my brother.

Her phones buzzes again.

IVY (CONT'D)

I'm sorry.

ABED

It's okay, but if we're going to watch Cougar Town, then you should turn it off.

Ivy checks her phone.

IVY

Oh great. A bomb threat was conveniently called in. Robin's extending her stay.

Ivy turns off her phone.

IVY (CONT'D)

And off. Let's begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments! I tried posting this story on another site and didn't get much of a response. I'm glad to know people are reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments! It's really encouraging to know people are enjoying this and reading.

Ext. DINER - Critical Film Studies Edited

Most of the gang sits in a Mom and Pop style diner that Britta Perry works at. They are all dressed as Pulp Fiction characters. Annie Edison and Troy Barnes are dressed at Pumpkin and Honey Bunny. Britta Perry is dressed as Mia Wallace. Pierce Hawthorne is dressed as the Gimp. Shirley Bennett is dressed as Jules Winnfield. Ivy Reeds and Ben Change are dressed are Fabienne and Butch Coolidge. Jeff Winger and Abed Nadir are notably missing.

Annie Edison sits at a table across from Ivy Reeds. Ben Chang is eavesdropping nearby.

ANNIE

So...

IVY

So what?

ANNIE

What'd you get him?

IVY

An autographed copy of the pilot script of Cougar Town signed by executive producer Bill Lawerence and Courtney Cox.

ANNIE

How'd you do that?

IVY

There was a contest that happened around the end of the first season. Like 500 people won. I bought a copy off Ebay.

ANNIE

How much did that cost?

IVY

Don't ask.

Chang forces himself into the seat next to Ivy.

CHANG

Haven't you guys been dating for two seconds?

IVY

What's your point?

CHANG

You don't think that's too much too soon?

Ivy looks to Annie, who shakes her head no. Still, Ivy looks nervous.

INT. DINNER - LATER

Britta Perry is sitting at the counter, looking at the clock. Ivy sits next to her.

BRITTA

How could Jeff let them run so late? Doesn't he know my job is on the line?

IVY

Do you think Abed would like a gift card?

BRITTA

Didn't Annie say you got him the perfect present?

Ben Chang pops out of the background.

CHANG

If it doesn't scare him off.

INT. DINNER - MUCH LATER

The group (still missing Jeff and Abed) stare at the remains of the briefcase that Troy has accidentally set on fire.

CHANG

Maybe we can tell Abed this happened in a deleted scene?

TROY

You think Abed doesn't know about every deleted scene?

Troy goes to a booth and sits by himself. Ivy joins him.

TROY (CONT'D)

All I wanted was to get Abed the best gift and instead I ruined the best gift.

IVY

I might be able to help with that.

RESTAURANT - EVEN LATER

Later in the evening, the pair is at the fancier restaurant. After the failure of My Dinner with Abed", the party had to be moved to the more expensive restaurant.

Abed has already opened gifts. Ivy sits at a table with Annie.

ANNIE

Wow. Abed really loved Troy's gift.

IVY

Troy really knocked it out of the park.

ANNIE

Okay, why did you let Chang get to you? You bought Abed the best gift and ended up giving him a helicopter.

IVY

Maybe Chang was right.

ANNIE

Chang is never right.

IVY

Look, it doesn't matter who gave Abed the perfect gift. It just matters that he got it.

ANNIE

It's not too late to tell the truth.

IVY

I don't want to do that.

INT. THE LATEST

The entire group is dancing, except for Ivy, who is sitting at the booth. Abed joins her.

ABED

I wanted to thank you again for the gift.

IVY

I'm glad you liked it.

ABED

I mean the real gift. I know you got me the Cougar Town script. I entered that contest as many times as they would let me but still didn't win.

IVY

Troy told you?

ABED

No.

IVY

Annie?

ABED

Annie told Pierce and Pierce told me. Why didn't you give it to me yourself?

IVY

Chang.

ABED

Ah.

IVY

I didn't want to come on too strong or scare you off.

Abed doesn't answer. Ivy grows more and more uncomfortable.

IVY (CONT'D)

I guess it sounds dumb now that I say it out loud.

ABED

I don't think you could scare me off. At least, not by getting me a thoughtful gift.

Abed grabs Ivy's hand across the table. In the background, Shirley Bennett and Annie Edison "Awwww" in unison.

IVY

Do you want to dance? I bet a can dance almost as good as Uma Thurman.

ABED

Sure.

The pairs go off to the dance floor.

INT. ABED'S DORM ROOM - EXTRA

Abed is sitting in his dorm with the door opened. He is eating lucky charms and watching a Kickpuncher movie. Pierce Hawthorne appears at the door.

PIERCE

Knock knock.

ABED

(not looking away from the television)

You're supposed to physically knock when you say that.

Pierce knocks on Abed's door.

PIERCE

Knock. Knock.

ABED

Should I ask who's there? I feel like you haven't prepared a punchline.

Pierce enters and sits on the couch next to Abed.

PIERCE

I think we should talk about our girl.

ABED

We don't have a girl.

PIERCE

You're dating my daughter.

Abed reaches for the remote and pauses the television. Pierce now has his attention.

ABED

We all agreed that she's not your daughter.

PIERCE

A-bed. You watch a lot of television. If this was a TV show, would she be my daughter?

ABED

Most likely.

PIERCE

You're always comparing life to TV. Maybe she is.

ABED

Ivy has a father. And I'm pretty sure this isn't the type of thing you do behind your girlfriend's back.

PIERCE

I bet you watch a lot of movies together on this couch.

ABED

I don't know what you're getting at.

Pierce begins digging through the couch. He takes the cushions off until he finds what he's looking for. He pulls out a long and curly brunette hair. Pierce pulls a zip lock bag from his pocket and places the hair inside.

PIERCE

Thanks, A-bed. This was all I needed.

Pierce gets up from the couch without putting the cushions back on. He begins to leave.

ABED

(calling after him)

Is that for a paternity test?

Pierce stops.

PIERCE

I have to know.

ABED

Don't tell anyone else. Not until we know the truth.

PIERCE

It will be our little secret.

Pierce exits. Abed reaches for the remote. Kickpuncher resumes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This leads to what is arugably the biggest drama in the story! Can you guess how it plays out?


	7. Chapter 7

COMPETITIVE WINE TASTING - EXTRAS

INT. GREENDDALE LUNCHROOM

Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, and Ivy Reeds are having lunch. Troy and Ivy sit on the same side of the booth. Abed is across from them. Leonard walks by. His face is painted as a tiger. He winks at Ivy.

LE0NARD

Thanks, toots.

Leonard walks away.

TROY

Creepy.

IVY

I convinced Annie to take face painting as an elective with me. We needed someone to practice on.

Garrett walks by with giant pink hearts on his cheeks.

IVY (CONT'D)

He requested that one.

ABED

I'm taking a class on "Who's the Boss?" It's fascinating, but the professor and I don't exactly see eye to eye.

Stanley Powers enters the cafeteria. He pushes himself in the seat next to Abed.

STANLEY

Which one of you is my sister's boyfriend again?

IVY

What do you want, Stanley?

STANLEY

I think I've finally made up my mind.

IVY

Between Betty and Veronica?

STANLEY

Britta and Annie

Troy looks alarmed.

IVY

What about Robin?

STANLEY

She's gone. Protecting Joe Biden. We're star-crossed lovers.

IVY

So, who's it gonna be?

Britta Perry enters. She runs to Troy.

BRITTA

Troy!

STANLEY

Hey there, gorgeous.

BRITTA

Oh. Hey Stanley. Troy, we should head to acting if we want to get a good spot in the feeling circle.

TROY

Yeah, it'd be great to have to next to me. For emotional support.

Troy gets up. He looks directly at Stanley.

TROY (CONT'D)

Well, we're gonna go to class now. Goodbye for now. Or forever. Whatever.

The two exit. Stanley turns to Abed.

STANLEY

Huh, I guess my sister is dating you. Annie, it is then.

Stanley gets up from the table.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

I'm doing the weather on the four o'clock new tonight. Tune in!

He exits.

IVY

How would you feel about never meeting the rest of my family?

ABED

You have no idea.

INT. THE FANCY RESTAURANT

The entire group has gathered to celebrate Pierce's engagement. Even Chang is there. Ivy Reeds sits between Annie and Abed.

IVY

(whispering)

She asked me to be a bridesmaid.

ANNIE

Did you say yes?

IVY

I couldn't say no. She told me that I was really important to Pierce.

ANNIE

Oh...did she say why?

IVY

No. I mean, I went to the hospital when we asked but we don't really talk.

ANNIE

Well...that sounds like Pierce.

IVY

She said that I'd need a red dress. I never thought I could pull off red.

ANNIE

I think you could! What do you think, Abed?

Abed turns his attention towards the girls.

ABED

What was that?

ANNIE

Wouldn't Ivy look good in a red dress?

IVY

Annie!

ANNIE

I'm just asking.

ABED

Most of her clothes are black. Red would be a nice change of pace.

IVY

I'm backstage at a lot of plays. I have to wear all black.


	8. Chapter 8

APPLIED ANTHROPOLOGY AND CULINARY ARTS - EDITED

INT. ANTHROPOLOGY CLASSROOM

The Anthropology final is completed ...sort of. Instead of a final, Shirley Bennett has given birth in the classroom and the Dean has completed an interview for Dean magazine.

Annie Edison, Britta Perry, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes, and Pierce Hawthorne remain. Shirley has left with her newborn son and husband.

ANNIE

Guys...Ivy skipped the final.

JEFF

I mean, this is the ultimate blow off class. I'm sure Duncan didn't notice.

ANNIE

I texted her and she didn't answer. Abed, did she answer you?

ABED

No, but she was up late last night working on a costume. I'm sure she overslept.

Abed looks nervous, as though he doesn't quite believe what he is saying.

PIERCE

I'm sure she passed. In fact, she's passed more than one test if you know what I mean.

ABED

You got the results?

TROY

What results?

At that moment, Stanley Powers comes running into the room. Britta Perry and Annie Edison both step forward.

BRITTA

Hey Stanley!

ANNIE

You'll never believe what happened in our Anthropology final -

STANLEY

Where's Ivy? She's not here?

BRITTA

No. She missed the final.

Stanley grabs Abed by the shoulders.

STANLEY

You talked to her today, right?

ABED

No.

STANLEY

So she didn't tell you?

JEFF

Tell us what?

STANLEY

She won't answer my calls. My mom called her with the news this morning, but Ivy said she had a final and couldn't come over today.

ABED

What news?

STANLEY

There was a car accident. Her father died.

PIERCE

No, he didn't!

STANLEY

Yeah, he did. My mom said she took it badly.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE IVY'S DORM

Abed, Troy, Jeff, Annie, Pierce, and Britta stand outside of the door to Ivy's dorm room. No one makes a move to knock.

JEFF

So...what's our game plan?

BRITTA

We want to make her feel better, you jerk.

JEFF

Great plan, Britta. How are you going to do that?

BRITTA

I just pulled a baby out of Shirley. I can make someone feel better.

ANNIE

Jeff's right. We need a plan.

TROY

Um, should we really all be going? There's like six of us.

ANNIE

Maybe it should just be Abed.

The group looks to Abed. He doesn't say anything.

PIERCE

I think I can fix this.

JEFF

How are you going to fix this?

PIERCE

It's a surprise, dumbass.

Pierce knocks on the door. There's no answer.

TROY

She's not here.

Annie presses her ear against the door.

ANNIE

I hear something.

Abed presses his ear against the door.

ABED

Cougar Town.

Pierce knocks again. And again. And again.

TROY

She doesn't want to see us.

ANNIE

Troy! She's our friend!

TROY

Death freaks me out!

Pierce knocks. The door opens. Ivy Reeds appears with pale skin and puffy eyes. She is still in her pajamas.

IVY

Jesus Christ, what?

The group is silent for a moment. Pierce is smiling widely.

ANNIE

We just wanted to see how you were. Since you missed the final.

TROY

Shirley had the baby. In the final.

BRITTA

I delivered it!

JEFF

Him, Britta. The baby is a person not a thing.

BRITTA

I know that. Doi.

Ivy looks directly at Abed. He doesn't say anything.

IVY

Did you talk to my brother?

BRITTA

What? Him? No!

ANNIE

No!

JEFF

Yes.

ANNIE

A little bit.

Abed steps forward and wraps his arms around Ivy. She stiffens at first and then relaxes.

ABED

This is what they do in movies.

Annie joins him. They all step forward except Pierce. It is a giant group hug...without Pierce. When they finally step back, Ivy's eyes are wet.

IVY

(to Abed)

I've been watching Cougar Town without you.

ABED

It's okay. I've seen them all.

PIERCE

Let's go inside.

Pierce pushes his way inside and the others follow. Ivy sits on the couch and brings her knees to her chest. Abed and Annie sit on either side of her.

PIERCE (CONT'D)

I can make everything better.

JEFF

I doubt that.

Pierce pulls out an envelope and hands it to Ivy. She opens it and reads.

BRITTA

Pierce! You can't just buy someone's happiness.

IVY

What the hell is this?

PIERCE

It's a paternity test.

For a moment, the group is stunned. Abed looks guilty.

IVY

So?

PIERCE

About twenty-three years ago, I slept with a flight attendant. We saw each other for awhile -

JEFF

Pierce. No.

ANNIE

Oh my God. Pierce!

BRITTA

What is even going on?

Ivy clings to Abed's arm.

PIERCE

I really really liked your mother and when I met you I just thought - Well, the test speaks for itself.

IVY

H-how?

PIERCE

I got some of your hair from Abed.

Ivy lets go of Abed's arm. Fast.

IVY

You did what?

ABED

It was in my couch.

JEFF

Pierce, we agreed to drop this.

TROY

We all need to take a moment here. Is this really the best time? Let's watch Cougar Town.

IVY

You all knew about this?

ANNIE

Not about the test! Just...the theory.

TROY

No one believed Pierce. He lies.

PIERCE

Not this time. Check the paperwork.

BRITTA

Wait, you all knew? No one told me!

JEFF

Yeah, because you can't keep a secret.

IVY

Maybe it shouldn't have been a secret, Jeff.

The group freezes. Ivy gets up from the couch and walks as far away from the group as possible.

JEFF

Listen, Ivy -

IVY

No! You listen. My father is dead. You can't just bring me some old racist white guy and say he's my father.

PIERCE

Watch your tone, young lady!

Ivy is hysterical. She begins to cry. Britta runs and puts her arm around her.

IVY

(to Pierce)

You. Are. Not. My. Father.

IVY (CONT'D)

(to Troy and Annie)

And you aren't my friends.

IVY (CONT'D)

(to Jeff)

You aren't as attractive as you think.

IVY (CONT'D)

(to Abed)

And you aren't my boyfriend anymore.

The group is stunned. Finally, Abed gets up and walks out of the room. Troy gets up and follows him. Annie squeaks and follows him.

JEFF

You can't take this out of Abed.

IVY

He can't give my hair to anyone who asks.

JEFF

He said Pierce got it from his couch.

IVY

He didn't tell me. None of you told me. He knew and he let this happen.

JEFF

Ivy. I'm sorry. We all are.

IVY

It's too late for that.

JEFF

Just think about Abed, okay? He's not like everyone else. He wouldn't hurt you on purpose.

Jeff exits. Pierce turns to Ivy.

PIERCE

Just...I wanted you to know that you could still have a father. If you want one. I know that other guy was kind of a deadbeat.

IVY

He doesn't matter. Sometimes he wasn't there but sometimes he was. He's my dad, okay? Just...get out.

Pierce exits. He shuts the door behind him. Britta remains.

BRITTA

I really didn't know anything. I would have told you.

IVY

I know. I believe you.

Ivy starts to cry. Britta comforts her.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - IMMEDIATELY AFTER

Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, and Jeff Winger sit at the table in the study room.

JEFF

I can't believe Pierce did that.

TROY

Abed locked himself in his dorm room.

ANNIE

Poor Abed. Poor Ivy. What do we do?

JEFF

We can't do anything. Abed meant well, but come on. What's Ivy supposed to do? Her dad dies and Pierce comes knocking at her doorstep with a paternity test?

ANNIE

I feel really bad.

TROY

Me too. Ivy was my friend too.

ANNIE

Yeah. We got really close in face painting class.

JEFF

We should give her space. If she wants us back, she'll let us know.

ANNIE

If?

JEFF

Would you want us back?

The group is silent. Britta enters holding Cougar Town DVDs.

BRITTA

These have to go back to Abed.

ANNIE

He lent her DVDs? He won't lead DVDs to anyone.

TROY

He really liked her.

BRITTA

And why did no one tell me?

JEFF

Because you can't keep a secret.

BRITTA

Maybe that would have been a good thing.

JEFF

We were trying to spare her feelings. Also, we thought Pierce was lying.

TROY

Yeah, Pierce thinks he slept with everyone.

ANNIE

We're sorry, Britta. We thought Pierce would just forget.

Britta takes her seat.

BRITTA

Well, Ivy's crushed. She lost her dad and boyfriend and all she got was Pierce...How's Abed?

TROY

Not great.

BRITTA

So, I guess now isn't a good time to return the DVDs.

TROY

I'll hold onto them. He's going to need them.


	9. Chapter 9: The Paintball Episode

"FOR A FEW PAINTBALLS MORE" - EDITED

INT. GREENDALE SUPPLY CLOSET

The Greendale students have rallied. Troy Barnes and Jeff Winger are fighting for the role of leader. Abed Nadir has taken over the role of Han Solo.

Abed Nadir and Ivy Reeds are gathering supplies. Annie Edison and Shirley Bennett are keeping watch in the hallway.

IVY

You're not Han Solo.

ABED

You're Princess Leia.

IVY

I'm not part of your weird scenarios anymore.

ABED

It means that Pierce is Jabba the Hut.

Ivy thinks this over.

IVY

That helps.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Abed Nadir, Annie Edison, Ivy Reeds, and Shirley Bennett walk the hallway, paintball guns out. They are carrying supplies. They come to a corner and a man jumps out, about to hit Abed. Ivy fires and hits him square in the chest.

ABED

Thanks, Princess.

IVY

Whatever.

The group continues walking down the hallway. They round a corner and run into Stanley Powers. He holds up his hands.

STANLEY

Ivy! What the hell is going on?

ANNIE

You're here!

SHIRLEY

Paintball is going on, that's what.

IVY

Time to suit up.

STANLEY

Ivy...

IVY

You used to be part of a league and Greendale needs you!

STANLEY

I don't go to Greendale.

IVY

Actually, I just enrolled you in a summer class.

STANLEY

Come on, Ivy... I thought you wanted to talk about -

IVY

I don't! Are you going to help me or not?

STANLEY

I just came from work.

Stanley is wearing a suit and dress shoes. Ivy holds out a gun. Stanley takes it.

At that moment, a group of City College drones enters the hallway behind Stanley.

IVY

Behind you. Six o'clock. Four men. Shoot the horizon.

Stanley reaches the gun behind his head and shoots all four men in a straight line. He hits every shot.

ANNIE

Oh. Wow.

SHIRLEY

Should we be concerned that he's that good with a gun?

STANLEY

I was on a paintball team for a while.

IVY

Yeah. Nine years.

Annie steps toward and sticks out her hand. Stanley shakes it.

ANNIE

Welcome to Team Greendale.

INT. GREENDALE CLASSROOM - PAINTBALL HEAD QUARTERS

Team Greendale has gathered to prepare to put two plans in action. An attack plan founded by Jeff and a plumbing trick plan by Troy. Most of the teams is in midst of preparations. Ivy Reeds sits off to the side by herself. Abed is a few feet away in a corner with Garrett and Starburns, strategizing. Annie Edison and Britta Perry join Ivy.

ANNIE

I noticed you've been working with Abed.

IVY

That doesn't change anything.

ANNIE

I just thought you might be ready to forgive him.

IVY

I'm still mad at Abed and I'm still mad at you.

Annie looks upset and returns to the group.

BRITTA

Most of the group thought that Pierce was just full of it.

IVY

I talked to my mom last night.

BRITTA

And?

IVY

It's true.

BRITTA

So Pierce is really your father?

IVY

Yeah. I mean, she wasn't surprised. She knew it was a possibility.

BRITTA

Yikes.

IVY

I can forgive gossip and rumors, but Abed gave Pierce my hair. He was supposed to be my...

Ivy's eyes fill with tears. She wipes them away.

IVY (CONT'D)

I'm going to find Stanley.

Ivy heads off in Stanley's direction. Britta turns to Abed.

BRITTA

Hey Han, I know you were listening.

ABED

I'm a little busy here. There's more at stake here than Princess' hurt feelings.

BRITTA

Yeah well, when you stop being Han and go back t being Abed, you're going to be sorry.

Britta storms off after Ivy.

STARBURNS

Wow. Your study group is a lot of drama.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Annie Edison and Stanley Powers are hiding behind a set of desks. Stanley is holding a string. A group of City College Storm Troopers turn the corner.

ANNIE

(whispering)

And now.

Stanley pulls on the string. It is attached to a lever when that lever is pulled in releases a net. A series of paint-filled balloons. They explode and cover the City College Storm Troopers in the paint.

STANLEY

(whispering)

You're incredible. A genius. A beautiful genius.

Annie blushes.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE STUDY ROOM

Ivy Reeds and Abed Nadir are in a fort constructed out of desks, chairs, and boxes. Ivy is firing her gun. She runs out of ammo.

IVY

I'm out.

Abed goes to fire his gun.

ABED

I've got nothing.

Ivy sinks to the ground and pulls her knees to her chest.

ABED (CONT'D)

It was a pleasure fighting with you, Princess.

IVY

I guess our faith is in Troy now.

ABED

I guess so.

IVY

Abed?

Abed doesn't react.

IVY (CONT'D)

(sighing)

Han?

ABED

Yeah?

IVY

I loved you.

Abed looks down at her. Their eyes meet.

ABED

I know.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Annie Edison and Stanley Powers are hiding out under a desk.

ANNIE

I guess it's just a matter of time until they find us.

STANLEY

Or until Troy pulls the alarm and we win.

ANNIE

I think it's really cool of you to help your sister like this.

STANLEY

Yeah well, she's been down lately because well...

ANNIE

I know. And I'm really sorry.

STANLEY

And maybe there was more in it for me than just helping my sister.

ANNIE

What do you mean?

Stanley looks to Annie. Their eyes lock. He brushes a lock of hair behind her ear. They both lean forward and kiss tenderly.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF THE STUDY ROOM

Abed Nadir and Ivy Reeds are peering out of the fort, they see Storm Troopers heading in their way in both directions.

IVY

Are you going to drop the Han Solo act when this is over?

ABED

Are you gonna miss being my princess?

IVY

Oh plea-

Abed cuts off Ivy by kissing her. She kisses him back. Paint comes down through the sprinkler system and drenches them as they kiss.

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD

The crowds are cheering. Pierce Hawthorne has just won the paintball game for Greendale. Stanley and Ivy stand together.

STANLEY

So that's the guy, huh?

IVY

Pierce Hawthorne.

STANLEY

He's kind of cool. I mean, the stunt he pulled was cool. What's he like?

IVY

Rich. His family makes butt wipes.

STANLEY

Well, we all know you aren't after the money. You ever gonna tell your friends why?

IVY

They aren't my friends anymore.

STANLEY

Oh come on, Ivy. You love them.

At that moment, Annie Edison comes running up. Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, and Shirley Bennett follow her.

ANNIE

Guys! We won!

Stanley dips Annie and kisses her passionately.

BRITTA

Oh, come on! I lasted way longer than her.

JEFF

Really, Annie? The weatherman?

Annie and Stanley keep kissing. Abed turns to Ivy.

ABED

Good game.

IVY

You too.

Ivy exits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who has been commenting! Please know that I have 23 total chapters written, so there is more to come!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Season 3! We have not yet hit the year of the gas leak, but don't worry, it's coming.

BIOLOGY 101 - EXTRA

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett, Pierce Hawthorne, and Annie Edison are sitting around the study table. Jeff Winger is nowhere to be found.

BRITTA

So I was at an animal shelter and there was this cat -

SHIRLEY

Britta, sweetheart, I don't think another cat is the best thing for you right now.

BRITTA

My landlord said that if I adopted another cat, he'd evict me, but I thought one of you -

ANNIE

No.

TROY

Nu uh.

ABED

Nope.

BRITTA

Shirley?

SHIRLEY

I'm sorry, Britta, but I just had a baby. I don't have time to care for a cat.

PIERCE

I could do it.

BRITTA

Really?

PIERCE

Wait, does Ivy like cats? That's a thing fathers do, right? Buy their daughters kittens?

BRITTA

Yes!

EVERYONE ELSE

No! No way!

At that moment Ivy Reeds comes storming in. This year she is wearing all black clothing, heavy eyeliner, and her hair is straighten and shorter. She has gone goth.

TROY

Woah.

ABED

Character development.

A boy about Ivy's age runs in after her. He is also wearing all black clothing. His nose is pierced. Britta sits up straighter.

BRITTA

Who's this?

THE GUY

I'm -

IVY

Pierce!

PIERCE

He's not Pierce. I'm Pierce.

IVY

Why was there a title to a convertible shoved under my door?

PIERCE

All Hawthorne's drive convertibles.

IVY

I'm not a Hawthorne!

ABED

Well, biologically -

IVY

Shut it.

Ivy takes the paperwork out of her bag, crumples it up, and tosses it at Pierce.

THE GUY

I'll take the car.

PIERCE

Who are you?

THE GUY

Ivy's boyfriend.

The group turns to Abed. His face shows nothing.

IVY

You are not my boyfriend!

THE GUY

I'm Huey.

PIERCE

Good. He's not the type of guy you should associate with.

Ivy leaves in a huff.

ABED

Are you the ex-boyfriend in a band?

Huey takes Jeff's seat.

HUEY

I signed up for some dumb pottery class just so I could get close to her.

ANNIE

Your Stanley's friend!

HUEY

Yeah. You must be Britta, right?

ANNIE

No -

HUEY

(to Britta)

You gotta be Annie. Stan's got a thing for blondes.

Troy and Abed exchange a look. Annie looks ready to explode.

ANNIE

I'm Annie! With dark hair!

HUEY

Woops. So, old guy, can you tell me which dorm room it is?

ANNIE

Why are you even here? Ivy clearly doesn't like you?

HUEY

We've been talking all summer. She gets drunk and calls me.

BRITTA

And you take advantage of that?

HUEY

Nah. We only make out sometimes. Mostly she just cries. Anyway, which one of you is Britta?

BRITTA

Me, you pig.

HUEY

See you at the show tonight.

Huey exits. The group turns to Abed, who says nothing.

INT. BAR

Britta Perry and Ivy Reeds are sitting at the bar, drinking. The band is setting up. Huey waves to Ivy, she turns away.

BRITTA

They kept saying that I ruin everything, just because some show ended. I didn't know it had to be a current show -

IVY

Just show Abed Inspector Spacetime.

BRITTA

What's that?

IVY

Only the best show in the entire world.

BRITTA

And it will work?

IVY

It will definitely work.

BRITTA

So, Huey, huh?

IVY

Never in a million years.

EXT. THE BAR

Britta Perry stands outside the bar, checking her phone. Britta is slightly drunk. Ivy Reeds is pushed up against the side of the building aggressively making out with Huey. A car pulls up. Jeff Winger gets out.

JEFF

Seriously?

BRITTA

Thanks for coming.

Jeff looks to Ivy and Huey.

JEFF

Are they mauling each other?

BRITTA

After his band played they fought the whole night and then we all did shots and then -

JEFF

Yeah, I get it. Hey! Heathens!

Ivy and Huey break apart. Ivy stumbles forward, very drunk.

IVY

Jeff Winger! Are you my chauffeur?

HUEY

You don't want to stay with me tonight?

IVY

No.

At that moment the bar door opens. A man sticks his head out. Drumsticks are in his hand.

DRUMMER

Huey! We gotta pack it up!

HUEY

But -

DRUMMER

Dude. Come on.

HUEY

(to Ivy)

I'll call you tomorrow, love.

IVY

Whatever.

Huey exits. The drummer winks at Britta before he exits.

JEFF

That guy?

BRITTA

Whatever Winger. He's a drummer.

IVY

Yeah, Jeff, what instrument do you play?

Ivy steps forward and stumbles. Jeff catches her.

JEFF

No one pukes in my car. We don't all have rich fathers to buy us convertibles.

Jeff opens the back door and Ivy crawls inside.

IVY

Bite me, Winger.

Jeff slams the door.

JEFF

How could you let her get like this? Don't give sad girls alcohol.

BRITTA

Isn't that your signature move?

JEFF

Very funny. Come on.

Jeff opens the car door for Britta and she climbs inside.

INT. OUTSIDE OF IVY'S DORM ROOM

Abed Nadir knocks on the door. He is holding a brown paper bag. The door creaks open and Ivy peaks her head out. She squints and only opens one eye.

IVY

It's early.

ABED

It's two in the afternoon.

IVY

So much for pottery class.

ABED

I brought you something.

Abed holds up the brown paper bag. Ivy opens the door more and pulls him inside. She shuts the door.

IVY

It's too bright. Is there aspirin in there?

Ivy collapses on the couch. Abed pulls aspirin out of the bag and gives her some. Abed goes and pulls a water bottle out of the refrigerator for her, but Ivy has already swallowed the pills. He hands her the bottle anyway.

IVY (CONT'D)

How'd you know that I'd be hungover?

ABED

Jeff has been complaining that you puked in his car.

Ivy drops her head into her hands. Abed sits down next to her.

ABED (CONT'D)

I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm not very good at expressing my emotions and I realize that I never said I was sorry last semester. So I am. Sorry.

Ivy lifts her head up.

IVY

Thanks.

ABED

And I wanted to say thank you. For Inspector Spacetime. Britta showed it to me.

IVY

She told you it was my idea?

ABED

No. But I remembered the mugs.

They look to a shelf on Ivy's bookcase. There are several Inspector Spacetime mugs.

IVY

I think I have to drop pottery.

ABED

Because you made out with Huey?

Ivy blushes.

IVY

Jeff Winger has a big mouth.

Abed gets up to leave, but Ivy stops him with her words.

IVY (CONT'D)

Do you want to watch a movie?

ABED

Yes.

He sits back down next to her.

IVY

I haven't forgiven you.

ABED

I don't blame you.

Ivy's eyes fill with tears.

IVY

I'm just...having a hard time.

She cuddles up next to Abed. He reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.


	11. Chapter 11

THE DARKEST TIMELINE

Ivy Reeds walks into the study room as a drunk Shirley, one armed Jeff, and a slightly blue haired Britta storm out. Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes are wearing a felt Goatees. Ivy's gone fully goth and appears to have been crying. Mascara is running down her face.

IVY

I can't believe I had another father die. I should have come to your stupid party.

ABED

I should have caught the die.

IVY

I don't even know what that means.

TROY

(with the assistance of an artificial voice box )

We can't go back now.

ABED

We're going dark. We're Evil Troy and Evil Abed.

IVY

I don't get it.

TROY

You will.

ABED

Be evil with us, Ivy. Avenge your father.

Abed slides a felt goatee to Ivy. She puts it on.

IVY

I could be evil.

ADVANCED GAY

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Abed Nadir, and Jeff Winger are sitting in their respective seats at the study table. Ivy Reeds walks in.

IVY

Mail delivery

JEFF

You deliver mail now?

IVY

Only to Annie

Ivy slides a package across the table. Annie squeals and begins unwrapping it.

BRITTA

Who's that from?

IVY

My brother. He's in Iceland for six months

JEFF

You're still dating that clown?

BRITTA

Yeah, I really dodged a bullet there.

Ivy smacks Britta's arm.

BRITTA (CONT'D)

Right. Your brother. Sorry.

ANNIE

We aren't doing long distance but...we still talk.

Annie holds up a pair of green jewel earrings.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Look! They're locally made. Stanley chose green because it makes my eyes pop.

JEFF

Whatever. I've told you that like a thousand times.

ABED

(to Ivy)

Have you heard about Pierce?

IVY

(singing)

You mean how he has "a pocket full of Hawthornes?"

ABED

Right now he's preparing a case to sue Ubrana.

IVY

He's going to have a big problem with that.

JEFF

You think?

IVY

Urbana got permission from one of the shareholders.

ANNIE

How did she do that?

BRITTA

Yeah, aren't all the Hawthorne Wipe shareholders all white racist old dudes?

IVY

Except for one.

Ivy smiles and the group makes the realization.

JEFF

He actually gave you shares?

IVY

He wanted me to feel like part of the Hawthorne family.

The group doesn't say anything, but they exchange looks with one another.

IVY (CONT'D)

Don't look at me like I'm evil. It's catchy. Maybe it makes Pierce mad, but sales are through the roof.

ANNIE

I guess it's not so bad. As long as no one gets sued.

IVY

(to Abed)

Are we still on for tonight?

ABED

Yup.

IVY

See you later.

Ivy exits. The group turns to Abed in surprised.

BRITTA

Are you back together?

ANNIE

She forgave you and not me?

ABED

I don't think we're back together. We're just friends.

BRITTA

But it's a start.

Abed shrugs but gives nothing away.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Pierce Hawthorne is walking down the hallway with his father, Cornelius Hawthorne. Ivy Reeds in talking to Todd in the same hallway.

IVY

How's the turtle? Does your son like him?

TODD

Oh yes. I've got some adorable pictures of -

Pierce Hawthorne guides his father towards them.

PIERCE

(interrupting Todd)

Ivy! Meet my Father, Cornelius Hawthorne. Scram Todd.

Pierce and his father stand with Ivy, as Todd exits.

IVY

I was talking to him.

CORNELIUS

My oh my. Is this the girl?

IVY

Your father is Cornel Sanders?

PIERCE

This is my daughter, Ivy.

CORNELIUS

I see the resemblance to that woman you were seeing, but she's got the Hawthorne eyes.

IVY

But luckily not the racism.

CORNELIUS

And quite the mouth.

PIERCE

We wanted to let you know the party is off.

IVY

The Gay Bash?

CORNELIUS

Hawthorne Wipes will not have it's name sullied by the actions of a depraved community.

IVY

Pierce, come on.

CORNELIUS

Why does she not call you "father"?

PIERCE

It's a long story.

CORNELIUS

Does she have no respect?

INT. GREENDALE LIBRARY

Annie Edison is sitting at a desk, studying. She has a textbook open, a notebook, three different color pens, and two highlighters. Ivy Reeds throws herself in the chair next to her.

IVY

Do I need to be finished?

ANNIE

What?

IVY

Pierce's dad gave him a check to send me to finishing school. I'm mouthy and unladylike.

ANNIE

Yikes.

IVY

My first father didn't really like me, my second father is Pierce, and my new grandfather thinks I need to be finished.

ANNIE

Yikes. What's the female version of the "edible" complex?

Ivy laughs.

IVY

I missed you.

ANNIE

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about what Pierce said. I just thought he was making things up. Friends again?

IVY

Yes.

The girls hug.

ANNIE

So are you dating Huey or Abed?

IVY

Neither.

ANNIE

Who do you want to date?

IVY

Dating boys is the last thing on my mind right now.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO THE GAY BASH

The Greendale Cafeteria has been turned into the Gay Bash sponsored by Hawthorne Wipes. There are streamers and glitter everywhere. It is more packed than any other Greendale dance. Pierce Hawthorne is talking to Jeff Winger when Ivy Reeds enters.

IVY

Pierce! I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you for doing this.

PIERCE

Really?

JEFF

(shocked)

Really?

IVY

Yeah. I know your dad was against it, but you stuck to your guns and threw an awesome party. So yeah. That's cool.

Ivy walks off towards Troy and Abed.

JEFF

See? Isn't that worth sticking it to your father?

PIERCE

Sticking it? Gay.

Pierce looks around.

PIERCE (CONT'D)

Which I fully support!

Pierce runs off into the party.

FUNERAL PARLOR - CORNELIUS'S FUNERAL

At the funeral of Cornelius Hawthorne, the study group sits in chairs, all wearing black. Next to Ivy Reeds is Annie Edison. Annie grabs Ivy's hands.

ANNIE

Are you okay? He was your grandfather.

IVY

I think so. I didn't really know him.

There is an uncomfortable pause. Both girls stare at the casket.

IVY (CONT'D)

My life has taken a weird turn.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one! But it contains some of my favorite scenes to write...

DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKING : REDUX

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO FILM SET

Jeff Winger is sitting in a hair in his Dean costume. Ivy Reeds is adjusting his bald cap. Abed Nadir is filming them, but not seen.

JEFF

This is taking a lot longer than I expected.

IVY

I feel like the drama club lost its entire costume budget on this commercial.

JEFF

I bet I'm better to put a wing cap on then Chang.

IVY

I didn't put his wig on. He brought his own.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Abed is sitting alone on the couch in the study room. He is reading a Crashing Comet comic. Ivy Reed enters. She sits next to him.

IVY

I heard about what you did for the Dean. You made a really great commercial for the Board.

ABED

I didn't just do it for the Dean. I did it for Greendale. I guess I was too invested to make a good documentary.

IVY

I liked this one a lot better than the last one.

ABED

I still have those pants.

Ivy gets up to leave. She stops in her tracks.

IVY

Hey, Abed?

ABED

Yeah?

Ivy rushes towards him and kisses him passionately.

ABED (CONT'D)

Cool.

Ivy gets up and runs off.

ABED (CONT'D)

Cool cool cool.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

The group disperses. Jeff Winger lags behind, texting on his cell phone. Annie lingers by the doorway. Abed takes Britta's seat directly next to him. Jeff looks up.

JEFF

Britta, I have to say, you've really let yourself go.

ABED

I need to ask you for advice.

JEFF

Okay.

ABED

On dating.

JEFF

Well, I have been with a lot of women.

ABED

That's why I chose you over Troy. Of the group, you've been with the most women. You've had more time than Troy and Pierce is eliminated due to the nature of the conversation.

JEFF

Ah. So it's Ivy.

ABED

I have to say, I always saw myself as a side character without a major love interest. I thought maybe in season five or six I'd meet an even smaller side character.

JEFF

This isn't television, Abed.

ABED

Exactly. So I have Ivy. Who kissed me after I saved the Dean with a new Greendale commercial but I don't know what kind of kiss it was. Does it mean were back together or was it like a final movie scene and that's my reward for a good deed?

JEFF

Abed, listen to me. Whatever you do, do not ask her about it. Don't even mention it. Pretend like it never happened.

ABED

Why?

JEFF

If you ask her about it, then it gives her all the power.

Annie looks outraged. She takes her seat at the table.

ANNIE

Jeff! You can't say that to him! It isn't about power. It's about love.

Annie takes her seat at the table.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Sorry, Abed. I didn't mean to overhear your conversation.

ABED

It's okay. I knew you were eavesdropping the whole time.

Annie scoffs.

ANNIE

If you want to be with her, you have to tell her.

JEFF

Look, Ivy's going through some things. We can't blame her. She found out she's genetically related to Pierce. There's some self-loathing there. I get it.

ANNIE

Jeff!

JEFF

If you come on too strong then she'll panic. She doesn't want to be forced into making a choice right now. All I'm saying is that she'll come to you when she's ready.

ANNIE

That... does kind of make sense.

ABED

So...I do nothing?

JEFF

Exactly.

**Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism**

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT (CONT'D)

Ivy Reeds walks into the apartment. Abed Nadir, Annie Edison, and Troy Barnes are all standing in a circle looking cathartic. Ivy Reeds walks in, dressed for a date. She is holding a new copy of The Dark Knight.

IVY

I got it, Annie. With all the commentary and special footage and even the same message. I had to pay like $150 in shipping alone to get it here -

She stops when she sees the state of the apartment.

ANNIE

You actually got it?

TROY

Seriously?

IVY

Dude, you bought it online. There's always more than one copy.

Troy turns to Annie, enraged.

TROY

That was an option?!

Ivy hands the DVD to Abed.

ABED

I'm going to put this somewhere safe.

Abed exits.

ANNIE

That was really nice of you.

IVY

Yeah well, your text message said "Can't you just come over here and distract Abed by making out with him?"

TROY

Annie!

IVY

Nothing is going to distract Abed from Batman.

TROY

Exactly...why are you dressed so nice to give us a DVD? I mean, I know it's Batman but -

Abed returns as Ivy speaks.

IVY

I've got a date.

Abed stops in his tracks. Annie and Troy look to Abed with sympathy.

ABED

Can I hire you to fix my Batman cape sometime?

Ivy drops her purse to the ground.

IVY

You ripped it?

Ivy runs towards the closet.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

A few hours later, Ivy is sitting cross-legged on Annie's bed, still sewing the cape. Her heels are off. Annie sits with her.

ANNIE

Who are you going out with?

IVY

Huey.

ANNIE

Oh...arearen't you going to be late?

IVY

I know Abed told you what happened.

ANNIE

I don't know anything -

IVY

You got your doe eyes out.

ANNIE

He really likes you.

IVY

He also really hurt me.

ANNIE

Then why kiss him?

IVY

I still care about him. I just...I mean, I could forgive him if it hadn't been true, but...Well, it was.

ANNIE

I just know that he didn't mean to hurt you.

Ivy thrusts the cape back to Annie.

IVY

It's done. I've got to go.

Ivy grabs the shoes and her purse and runs out, knocking into Abed. She exits. Abed stands in the doorway.

ABED

I guess she didn't want to be late for her date.

ANNIE

I'm sorry, Abed.

ABED

Troy and I are going to watch The Dark Knight if you want to join us.

Abed exits.

**REGIONAL HOLIDAY MUSIC**

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY

Troy Banes is talking to Ivy Reeds. She reluctantly nods her head yes.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Ivy plays the piano as Troy and Abed trick Pierce into singing Baby Boomer Santa.

INT. GREENDALE COSTUME ROOM

Ivy tailors a sexy Mrs. Clause costume to Annie's body.

INT. BACKSTAGE

Abed approaches Ivy - she runs in the other direction.

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA TURNED INTO CHRISTMAS PAGENT - BACKSTAGE

Ivy Reeds is taking all the costumes and placing them on the rack. Abed Nadir walks up to her and turns in his costume. He starts to walk away. When he reaches the doorway, he turns around and walks back.

ABED

Am I playing it cool?

IVY

What?

ABED

Jeff says that if I like you, then I have to play it cool but I don't know how you're supposed to know that I'm playing it cool. I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm playing it cool.

IVY

Noted.

ABED

And I wanted to say Merry Christmas. I know it's probably going to be a hard one because you sent Christmas with your father and your brother won't be home this year.

IVY

Abed -

ABED

And if you needed me then I'll be around.

IVY

Playing it cool?

ABED

Yes.

IVY

Well, thanks.

Abed starts to leave again and then turns back.

ABED

I don't want to play it cool though. I liked when you were my girlfriend and we wanted TV shows and movies together. I liked that you never got annoyed when I talked about Star Wars or Cougar Town. I know that things have changed but I wish that they hadn't.

Abed starts to exit. This time Ivy stops him.

IVY

Wait!

ABED

Yeah?

IVY

Do you want to watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with me? It's my favorite. I always really liked the elf who wants to be a dentist.

ABED

Hermey?

IVY

Yes! Oh! And the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. That one is classic. It's where I learned all my best dance moves.

ABED

Tomorrow night? Seven?

Ivy nods. Abed exits.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - THE DARKEST TIMELINE

Evil Abed sits on the couch with Evil Ivy in his lap. She kisses his neck provocatively. Evil Ivy is wearing red hot pants, a black tank top, a drastic amount of black eyeliner, and messy pigtails.

EVIL ABED

We need to focus on the timeline.

EVIL IVY

(between kisses)

Which one?

EVIL ABED

The better timeline. Where I caught the die.

EVIL IVY

Who cares about that timeline?

EVIL ABED

I want control of it.

EVIL IVY

Why?

EVIL ABED

For us.

EVIL IVY

Oh, puddin'!

Evil Ivy squeals in delight. They passionately embrace. Evil Abed tosses her off his lap and jumps on top of her.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Abed and Ivy sit in a blanket fort, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Troy Barnes enters with popcorn. Ivy scoots closer to Abed to make room for Troy. Abed smiles.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Troy has gone to bed and only Ivy and Abed remain. They have reached the end of Elf. The credits are rolling.

IVY

I like this movie, but something about Christmas time claymation just gets me.

ABED

Agreed.

There is a long uncomfortable silence.

ABED (CONT'D)

Are we dating?

IVY

Uh. I guess. Casually dating.

ABED

Okay.

Ivy gets up.

IVY

I should go.

She kisses Abed on the cheek, picks up her bag, and exits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evil Abed and Evil Ivy are my favorite to write. I half want to do a spin-off.


	13. Chapter 13

INT. GREENDALE CAFETERIA - AFTER BREAK

Jeff Winger is eating his lunch when Abed Nadir joins him.

JEFF

Where's your girlfriend?

Abed stares at him a long time.

ABED

Are you making fun of me and Troy or Ivy?

JEFF

The answer is almost always mocking.

ABED

He's meeting me later. I need more dating advice.

JEFF

So you've come to the master.

ABED

I've been hanging out with Ivy a lot over break. She says we're casually dating. In television, you either ship a couple or you don't. Casual dating always leads to one character going on a date with the wrong person and leaving in the middle to be with the one they truly want. Should I just be waiting for that to happen to Ivy?

JEFF

Abed, that's television. Not the real world.

ABED

So what happens in the real world?

JEFF

It's the best. You get all the perks of dating without any responsibilities.

ABED

I don't understand.

JEFF

You do all the fun stuff-

ABED

Like watching movies and reenacting them in real life?

JEFF

Sure - but you don't have to deal with the heavy stuff. If she's sick or sad or upset, that's not your problem. And the best part? You can do all of this with other people and no one gets upset.

ABED

But I don't want to see someone else.

JEFF

Maybe not at this moment, but you might meet someone else. Trust me. It's for the best.

URBAN MATRIMONY AND THE SANDWICH ARTS

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Shirley Bennett is wearing a white wedding dress and standing on a stool as Ivy Reeds hems it. Britta Perry and Annie Edison watch.

ANNIE

Oh! Shirley! You look so beautiful. I'm going to cry.

SHIRLEY

I hope Andre likes it.

IVY

He will.

BRITTA

Look, you only have a few more minutes until you have to meet up with Pierce to discuss notes for the meetings and I still have to get a stupid garter to toss.

SHIRLEY

I think Andre and I will be skipping that. It's not something that I want to do in front of my pastor.

IVY

Yeah, isn't flinging underwear kind of gross?

BRITTA

Oh, but flinging a bunch of flowers to pick the next women to serve a man is just fine?

ANNIE

Britta...

BRITTA

Right! I'm a wedding planner. Weddings are great. Woohoo.

IVY

On that note, the dress is done. You can step down and get changed, Shirley.

Shirley steps down and exits towards the bathroom.

BRITTA

Ugh. Weddings.

ANNIE

Well, I like weddings. I would take a date, but Stanley's away.

IVY

I thought you weren't doing long distance.

ANNIE

We aren't but...he'll be back in a few weeks and who knows, right?

BRITTA

I am not taking a date to Shirley's wedding.

ANNIE

Who are you taking, Ivy? How was your date the other night?

BRITTA

You went on a date?

IVY

With Huey. It was fine. It was fun but...

ANNIE

He's not the one?

BRITTA

Don't fill her mind with all that "the one" crap.

ANNIE

Oh then what would you say?

BRITTA

That she doesn't have to settle down.

ANNIE

I was saying that! I was just saying that she'll know when it's right. Like with Abed.

Britta and Annie continue arguing. Ivy exits.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - REHEARSAL DINNER

The next day, at the rehearsal dinner, everyone is waiting for Shirley. Ivy approaches Troy and Abed.

IVY

Did you see a new Crashing Comet comic is out?

TROY

We're a little out of touch with whimsical interests.

IVY

What?

ABED

Yes. Isn't the weather lovely?

IVY

It's raining.

ABED

It's good luck for it to rain on a wedding day. I wonder what that says about a rehearsal dinner.

TROY

No matter. Weather doesn't affect love.

ABED

Indeed.

The pair clinks glasses.

IVY

What is going on with you two?

ABED

You see, Shirley was concerned that we weren't going to act normal at her wedding.

TROY

So we spent all of yesterday preparing to be normal.

ABED

Yes. We created better versions of ourselves.

IVY

This is your better version?

ABED

But of course.

Ivy groans and walks in the direction of the bar.

TROY

She must have had a tough day at the office.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - LATER THAT EVENING

Abed Nadir is participating in a group dance. Troy walks up to Ivy, who has been drinking.

TROY

It was a lovely ceremony, wasn't it?

IVY

I hemmed a dress for nothing. You people never use any of my costumes. You make me put in all this work for nothing. Does my time mean nothing to your stupid study group?

TROY

Perhaps I should get you a glass of water.

IVY

And you! You're not normal. Abed! Abed!

Abed hears her and joins the group.

ABED

It's awfully rude to yell at a party.

TROY

I believe she has had a bit too much to drink.

IVY

Stop it! You aren't normal. I don't like you "normal."

ABED

Perhaps some water?

TROY

I'll go.

Troy exits to get some water. Abed helps Ivy to a chair.

IVY

You ruined my date.

ABED

I'm sorry?

IVY

You ruined it.

ABED

How so?

IVY

He wasn't fun or sweet or kind or up to date on movie references.

ABED

Oh.

IVY

And I'm mad at you. And Pierce. And my mom.

ABED

Maybe I should call you a cab.

IVY

Stop saying normal things! I live in the dorms! I'm walking home!

Troy returns and hands Ivy water. Ivy does not take it.

IVY (CONT'D)

(to Abed)

I hate you.

Ivy exits. Troy looks to Abed. Abed shows no emotion.

INT. IVY'S DORM ROOM - THE NEXT DAY

Ivy is sitting on her couch, drawing in a sketch pad. It looks like a comic book. She looks down at her phone. Two unread text messages from Abed Nadir.

ABED

(text message)

Troy and I are weird again.

ABED (CONT'D)

(text message)

Are you okay?

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Abed Nadir is sitting in his chair, watching television with Troy Barnes, who sits in the chair next to him.

TROY

Everything okay?

Abed's phone buzzes. He looks down.

IVY

(text message)

Sorry. I'm fine.

Abed's phone vibrates again.

IVY (CONT'D)

(text message)

Going to be busy for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not trying to imply that Ivy wrote The Crashing Comet that already exists...I merely was not up to date with my superheroes.
> 
> I hope you all are still reading and enjoying! Thank you for all your comments. They really help motivate me to write. Especially now.


	14. Chapter 14

DIGITAL EXPLORATION OF INTERIOR DESIGN

INT. GREENDALE BLANKET FORT

Abed Nadir is sitting in his "office" in the blanket fort. He is reading the latest addition to "The Crashing Comet." He examines a particular page closely. The Crashing Comet is saving a group of people. One person looks very familiar. Is Abed in the comic?

Abed hears crawling. Someone's coming. He hides the comic under a blanket.

PILLOWS AND BLANKETS

INT. IVY'S DORM ROOM

Ivy Reeds is sitting in her dorm room. Stanley Powers is sitting on her couch. His face is stubbly and his is not wearing his usual suit.

STANLEY

Did you barricade the door?

IVY

It's locked. Besides, there's a war going on out there. Blanket fort verse pillow fort.

STANLEY

Aren't they the same thing?

IVY

You're naive.

Stanley gets up and starts walking around the room.

STANLEY

Huey tells me that you two are going out again.

IVY

Hanging out. Not back together.

STANLEY

And that Abed guy?

IVY

We hang out too.

STANLEY

That's going to get messy.

IVY

You literally crawled through my window because you were afraid of running into Annie.

Stanley signs and sits back down - defeated.

STANLEY

I really like her.

IVY

Then what's the problem?

STANLEY

I see the world differently now. I'm dedicating my life to greater causes. I'm going back abroad.

IVY

You can't just jerk her around. If you want to be with her then great. If not, you have to tell her.

STANLEY

Hey, you should make us some costumes. You be the pot and then I'll be the kettle.

Ivy stares at him.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

Because you're calling me black.

Ivy keeps staring.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

You're being a hypocrite.

IVY

I get it, thanks.

INT. IVY'S DORM ROOM - HOURS LATER

Ivy Reeds is holding her phone. She consumes a text message to Huey. It says:

IVY (V.O.)

We need to talk.

ORIGINS ON VAMPIRE MYTHOLOGY

EXT. CARNIVAL

Ivy Reeds is at the carnival with Huey. Huey tries to hold her hand, but Ivy pulls it away.

IVY

Just friends! I told you that.

HUEY

Then why are you here?

IVY

The friends part.

They keep walking. They pass a game where you toss a ring around a bottle. Jeff Winger is playing and talking intently to the man running the booth. Shirley Bennett is holding prizes and looking very bored. Shirley runs up to Ivy.

SHIRLEY

Oh! Ivy! It's so good to see you.

IVY

You've got a lot of prizes.

SHIRLEY

I would like to go on some rides, but Jeff is interrogating Britta's old boyfriend.

Ivy peers around Shirley to look at the man in charge of the game.

IVY

That's Blade?

HUEY

Who's Blade?

IVY

He's not - I mean he's -

HUEY

What kind of name is Blade?

SHIRLEY

Yes. He is surprisingly lackluster.

IVY

I thought he 'd at least have a face tattoo or something.

HUEY

Britta likes face tattoos?

IVY

I mean, I guess he's cute. Is he funny?

HUEY

He's not cute.

SHIRLEY

Or particularly funny. He doesn't say much.

IVY

Huh. Well, want to join us?

SHIRLEY

I don't want to intrude on your date.

IVY

Not a date.

HUEY

It could be.

Ivy takes the prizes from Shirley and hands them to Huey. She links her arm through Shirley's.


	15. The Proposal Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for a reveal...

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - A WEEK LATER

The Greendale Seven are in their respective seats when Huey walks struts in.

JEFF

I know you.

HUEY

You see Spider Punk?

JEFF

What?

HUEY

My band.

BRITTA

I remember you!

HUEY

Hey, doll. The drummer's been asking about you.

Britta blushes.

BRITTA

Well...whatever.

HUEY

I've actually come to see you. You're a psych chick, right?

The rest of the group groans collectively.

PIERCE

Who is this punk?

TROY

This punk is Ivy's ex-boyfriend.

HUEY

Current boyfriend.

The is a long uncomfortable silence.

HUEY (CONT'D)

Well...sort of. Listen, I need to know what Ivy will think of this.

Huey fishes through the pocket of his jeans. He pulls out gum. Then his car keys. Then some receipts. Then a jewelry box. He opens it up and shows Britta. It's an engagement ring. Annie gasps.

BRITTA

Um. Dude. That's not a psych thing.

Huey approaches Pierce.

HUEY

So um...you're the father, right?

PIERCE

Yeah.

HUEY

You were much better than the last one. When I took Ivy to prom, I saw his picture and he looked scary. You're just super old.

ANNIE

Wait...you took Ivy to prom?

HUEY

Yeah. We dated for like four years. Until the incident. And the second incident.

TROY

What incident?

HUEY

My band went on tour and was this blonde...

JEFF

And the second incident?

HUEY

Another blonde.

Britta pulls the hood of her jacket over her head.

HUEY (CONT'D)

Look, I know it seems bad but we've known each other a long time and I love her so no more blondes. Pierce Hawthorne, can I have your blessing to marry your daughter?

PIERCE

No way, jerk.

BRITTA

Pierce!

HUEY

Thank God. She'd never say yes if you approved. So who's her best friend here?

The table looks to Abed. Then to Troy. Then finally to Annie.

ANNIE

I guess...me?

BRITTA

Uh, we hung out all summer.

HUEY

When Ivy gets back from her publisher meeting in New York, I'm going to do it. I'm going to need your help.

ABED

Publisher?

HUEY

Yeah, for her comic book thing.

ABED

What comic book?

HUEY

That red chick. Dude, aren't you supposed to be my competition?

Abed's eyes widen. He stands up.

ABED

Ivy's the creator of the Crashing Comet.

TROY

Are you serious? Then why does she hate it?

HUEY

You don't know? I thought you were all supposed to be her friends? Do you know anything about her?

Huey shakes his head and exits. Abed gets up from his chair and starts pacing.

ANNIE

Abed...are you okay?

ABED

There were so many clues and I missed it. She gave me the first edition signed copy.

TROY

She did!

ABED

She always asked about them...but she said she hated them.

Stanley Powers enters.

STANLEY

She didn't tell anyone. She didn't want people to like her because of it.

ANNIE

Stanley!

Annie shoots out of her chair and throws her arms around him. Jeff grimaces. Britta pulls her hood down and fixes her hair. Annie hugs him tightly, but he only pats her back with one hand. Jeff Winger notices.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY - CONTINUING

Annie Edison is exiting the Study Room. Britta Perry is walking out behind her when Jeff Winger grabs her arm.

BRITTA

Hands off, jagweed.

Jeff Winger pulls her aside.

JEFF

Did you see what I see?

BRITTA

That Abed won't stop pacing? Yeah, I saw that.

JEFF

Stanley gave Annie a one-armed back pat.

BRITTA

_(missing the point)_

So? Guys do that to me all the time.

JEFF

And what happens after?

BRITTA

_(getting it)_

Oh!

JEFF

Yeah.

BRITTA

Stanley is breaking up with Annie and she's going to get a one-eyed cat!

JEFF

The first part. Not that cat part.

BRITTA

Jeff! Annie's going to be heartbroken. Stanley will be single, but Annie is more important.

JEFF

Glad to see you have your priorities.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY OUTSIDE IVY'S DORM

Ivy Reeds walks up to the dorm room carrying a duffel bag. Abed Nadir is pacing outside the door.

IVY

You're wearing a hole in the carpet.

ABED

Greendale has cheap carpeting.

IVY

Is everything okay?

Abed stops pacing.

ABED

You lied to me.

IVY

What?

ABED

You don't hate the Crashing Comet. You love her. You are her.

Ivy unlocks the door and pushes Abed inside. She shuts the door behind her and turns on the lights.

IVY

Could you not say that in public places?

ABED

You have a secret identity.

IVY

Look, I started the comics in high school and I thought it'd be cool to have a secret identity when I submitted them. Like Clark Kent is Superman, you know?

Abed nods.

IVY (CONT'D)

But it made a bit of money...enough to live off of and the people who did know wanted to make a big deal out of it.

ABED

Did you really work at a comic book shop?

IVY

Yeah. Everything else I told you is true. I just left some parts out. Look, people get weird when you tell them. They want connections or spoilers or I don't know. They think they know me. And when I met you...I wanted you to like me either way.

ABED

I see.

IVY

Peter Parker wants Mary Jane to like Peter Parker not just Spiderman.

ABED

We all liked you anyway.

IVY

It's not like they're that big. I'm not getting movie deals or anything. Just enough to buy movie tickets and pay for community college...are you mad?

ABED

Is Huey your boyfriend?

IVY

No.

ABED

Then you should tell him that.

Abed gets up and exits, leaving Ivy in shock.

INT. GREENDALE QUAD

Britta Perry is sitting on a bench when Stanley Powers walks up. He sits next to her.

BRITTA

Thanks for meeting me.

STANLEY

You said it was important.

BRITTA

I saw the one-armed back pat, Stanley. The whole study group did.

STANLEY

Britta! Listen to me. It's not what you think.

BRITTA

It's not?

STANLEY

Look, I really liked Annie.

BRITTA

Liked is past tense.

STANLEY

But now I've seen the world. I've traveled. I've seen what a hurricane can do to a community. How a flood can literally tear a family apart. I just can't connect to the life I used to live.

Britta is shocked. This is not what she expected, but it is what she would want to hear.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

I need to make a difference. A higher impact.

BRITTA

Oh, Stanley.

STANLEY

I need to raise awareness. For Global Warming. I need to change the world with my weather segment, not just recommend an umbrella. In a few weeks, I'm going to travel through third world countries to study the change in weather patterns. I can't be with Annie and not stick around.

BRITTA

I understand.

STANLEY

I knew you would. You just..you get it. We have to make a change.

BRITTA

We do!

STANLEY

If I can make the world a better place, then I have to.

BRITTA

You do. You really do.

Stanley tucks a lock of hair behind Britta's ear.

STANLEY

I wish I had gotten to know you better.

He stands up to leave but stops himself.

STANLEY (CONT'D)

(looking back)

Let me tell Annie myself, okay?

Britta nods. She is touched. Stanley exits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Were any of you surprised about the comics? Before I started writing, this was going to be a HUGE reveal, but it sort of fell into the background. I had planned this to be the cause of Abed and Ivy's big fight...but than Pierce's story took centerstage.


	16. Chapter 16

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

Annie is sitting with Huey who is drawing in a notebook. Britta Perry enters.

HUEY

How much do you think fireworks cost?

ANNIE

I don't know if Ivy would like -

BRITTA

There are people dying in the world and you want to spend money on fireworks?

Annie and Huey look shocked.

HUEY

For Ivy?

ANNIE

What Britta means is that fireworks require a lot of permits and money. Maybe we should think of something else. Like a conversation? Maybe you should put a label on things before proposing?

HUEY

Ivy just needs to know that I'm willing to commit. She hasn't had a lot of good relationships. After our misunderstandings -

ANNIE

You cheated. Multiple times.

HUEY

Your friends lie, and her parents fighting; she's just feeling a little shaken up.

ANNIE

Her parents are fighting?

HUEY

Duh. They're like separated. Her stepdad spent over twenty years trying to get along with the asshole he thought was Ivy's dad and now it turns out he wasn't. Look, I have to see a man about some fireworks. Just...brainstorm. Okay?

Huey exits. Annie and Britta look at each other.

ANNIE

Intervention?

Britta nods.

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM - THE NEXT DAY

Britta Perry, Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes, and Shirley Bennett are sitting in their respective seats arounds the study table. Pierce Hawthorne is noticeably missing.

ANNIE

I feel kind of bad not inviting Pierce.

SHIRLEY

He is the girl's father.

BRITTA

As a psychologist -

JEFF

Psychology student -

BRITTA

I can tell you that Ivy won't be susceptible to anything that Pierce says. If Pierce speaks his mind, she may react in a negative manner with dire consequences.

TROY

What are you saying?

JEFF

Ivy has major Daddy issues, so she'll do the opposite of what Pierce wants.

ABED

Normally people aren't supposed to tell someone she is about to be proposed to, but last time we kept a secret from Ivy it blew up in our faces.

ANNIE

We just want to create a safe environment and express our concern.

SHIRLEY

Personally, I think that maybe if we took Ivy to church -

A loud chorus of denials breaks through the study room. Ivy Reeds enters.

IVY

Hey! Annie, I got your text. What's the emergency?

ANNIE

We, as the study group, just wanted to talk to you about relationships and commitment.

IVY

Shit. Is this about my brother?

BRITTA

Woah woah woah. Let's not get off-

ANNIE

What about your brother?

IVY

Look, he's a jerk okay? He's just been so weird since he came back from that trip.

BRITTA

Weird? He cares about things! He's seen the world and he wants to fix it!

ANNIE

Why are you talking to my boyfriend?

SHIRLEY

Girls, I think we're off topic -

BRITTA

He's not your boyfriend and I was worried about you.

TROY

What does this have to do with Ivy and Huey?

JEFF

Okay, this has gone off the rails.

IVY

What about me and Huey?

ABED

The proposal. Which I'm not sure if we are supposed to tell you about or aren't.

ANNIE

Ivy! Focus! What did Stanley say about me?

BRITTA

Annie! You focus! This is about Ivy's emotional well-being. Her parents are maybe divorcing.

IVY

Who told you that?

BRITTA

Ah- no one.

Ivy turns to Abed.

IVY

Abed! Tell me the truth!

ABED

Huey asked Britta and Annie to help plan a proposal because he wants to marry you so that you'll get back together.

A hush falls over the group. Ivy's face turns to a look of pure terror. Pierce Hawthorne comes storming in.

PIERCE

Why did I hear about this from Chang? An intervention for my daughter and I'm not invited? Screw you guys.

JEFF

Who told Chang?

We hear a voice from the vents.

CHANG (V.O.)

I've been stuck in here for two days!

The group looks to one another unsure of what to do. They decide to ignore him.

PIERCE

Ivy, I forbid you from dating this Huey fellow. He doesn't have a good head on his shoulders.

Jeff and Britta look panicked.

JEFF

What Pierce means is -

IVY

Forbid me? Well, guess what? We're not dating.

PIERCE

Well, good.

IVY

We're getting married!

PIERCE

What?

At that moment, Huey enters the study room.

HUEY

Ivy! You're here. I was hoping to talk to you.

IVY

Huey, pack your bags. We're going to city hall. And then on our honeymoon.

HUEY

Really? This is so awes-

Ivy grabs Huey by the arm and drags him out.

JEFF

Well, that could have gone better.

Annie rises from her seat, in tears.

ANNIE

You know, I've been to a lot of interventions, but this one hurt the most.

Annie storms out.

JEFF

_(to Britta)_

Way to go.

BRITTA

What did I do?

JEFF

You couldn't leave the weatherman alone?

Britta scoffs and storms off.

JEFF (CONT'D)

(to Pierce)

We didn't invite you because we didn't want this to happen!

PIERCE

Screw you guys.

Pierce also storms out. Troy, Shirley, Jeff, and Abed remain. Abed is stoic and unreadable.

SHIRLEY

Abed, are you okay?

ABED

I'm fine. I'm playing it cool. Cool...

JEFF

Okay. Abed? Forget what I said about playing it cool. You know that scene in about a thousands of movies where the girl is about to get married and the guy stops the wedding?

ABED

Yes.

JEFF

Well, it's time to be that guy.

Abed stands up and runs off. Troy runs after him.

INT. GREENDALE IVY'S DORM ROOM - FOLLOWING

The door to Ivy's dorm room is open. Abed comes running in with a bouquet of roses. Ivy is packing.

IVY

Hey, Huey's going to be back in about twenty minutes. He's packing for the honeymoon.

Troy Barnes peaks his head through the door. He slides a boombox into the room, towards Abed.

ABED

I brought flowers. Is it okay if I climb out your window with this boom box?

IVY

What are you doing?

ABED

The scene where the guy stops the wedding but mixed with the boom box thing from Say Anything. I always thought it would be in a church, but this is Greendale so I had to make some adjustments.

IVY

You want to stop my wedding.

ABED

Yes. I don't want you to marry him. But...I don't think I can play this scene.

IVY

What do you mean?

ABED

I don't want you to marry Huey, but I want you to be happy. If you want to be with him, then I won't stop it. If you're doing this to anger Pierce, then I think there are other ways. I just want you to be happy. So, I won't do this if you don't want me to.

Ivy stares at Abed for awhile.

IVY

Let's play the scene.

ABED

Action?

IVY

Action.

Ivy reaches over and hits play on the boombox. "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel starts playing. The two embrace.

Troy Barnes peaks his head back in.

TROY

I'm ah...I'm gonna go.

Troy crawls away. The pairs keeps kissing.


	17. Chapter 17

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Ivy Reeds enters the apartment to find various members of the Greendale Seven scattered throughout the apartment. Troy Barnes and Britta Perry are passed out in an armchair, while Pierce snores softly in the other. Jeff Winger is asleep face down on the kitchen table. The door to Annie Edison's bedroom is opened and she is passed out on the bed.

Abed Nadir is clearing the glasses. Ivy walks in and sets down her duffle bag.

ABED

_(quietly)_

What's with the bag?

IVY

_(whispering)_

I've been evicted for fraternizing with the enemy.

Ivy hands Abed a piece of paper. He reads it quickly, takes Ivy's hand, and leads her into Troy's bedroom.

INT. TROY'S BEDROOM

The room is smaller than Annie Edison's and a bit cluttered. Abed and Ivy sit on the bed.

ABED

I figured this would give us more privacy than the blanket fort.

Ivy drops the duffle bag on the floor.

IVY

I wasn't even at the riot. The dean knows that. I was picking up materials for the drama department, which we both know is code for new costumes for him.

ABED

I'm sorry. It's because you're close to me.

IVY

Abed. Do you know who makes all the Dean's costumes? I do! Well, most of them. I have his measurements on file. Why would the Dean make me move out?

Abed thinks.

ABED

It doesn't make any sense.

There is a long silence. Abed places his hand over Ivy's.

IVY

I have to move in with my mom. She's and my stepdad -

ABED

I know.

IVY

My mom is staying with her sister in Rhode Island.

ABED

You could stay here.

IVY

Abed-

ABED

Get an apartment.

IVY

I'm going to. But it's going my lease doesn't start for two months.

ABED

Oh. What about your classes?

IVY

I'm finishing a few things online.

ABED

So you're really leaving?

IVY

For a little while. But I'll call. And write.

ABED

Okay.

Abed removes his hand. Ivy is visibly upset.

IVY

When I get back, we can reenact a dramatic airport scene. I'll let you pick the movie.

ABED

Okay.

IVY

And then we can start over, okay?

Abed nods. He puts his arm around her. She leans in.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT - THE DARKEST TIMELINE

Evil Ivy is wearing a tight-fitting leather black and red romper. She is fitting a purple suit to Evil Abed. She puts finishes and Evil Abed walks up to a floor length mirror. Evil Ivy joins him in his reflection. Evil Abed stokes his goatee.

EVIL ABED

This is all wrong.

EVIL IVY

What's wrong? Is it too tight somewhere?

She begins checking spots. Lots of spots.

EVIL ABED

No. The Joker didn't have a goatee.

EVIL IVY

Then shave it off.

EVIL ABED

No. It's the most important part of the aesthetic.

EVIL IVY

Then why'd you'd let me make the suit?

Evil Abed shrugs. He removes the jacket and tosses it on the floor.

EVIL IVY (CONT'D)

You really are evil.

INT. AIRPORT

Ivy Reeds has just finished checking her bags. Before she gets to the security line, Pierce Hawthorne steps directly in her path.

IVY

Ah!

PIERCE

I wanted to talk to you.

IVY

I've got a plane to catch.

PIERCE

You don't have to. I can help you find an apartment. Or you can stay with me.

IVY

No and no.

Ivy tries to go around him, but Pierce steps in her way.

IVY (CONT'D)

Pierce - I'm going.

This time, Ivy successfully steps around him. He calls after her.

PIERCE

_(calling after her)_

I'm sorry!

Ivy stops and turns to face him. She checks her watch.

IVY

You've got one minute.

PIERCE

I'm not sorry that I did it, but I'm sorry it hurt you.

IVY

Oh, come on-

PIERCE

Would you have given me your hair if I asked?

Ivy doesn't say anything. Clearly, the answer is no.

PIERCE (CONT'D)

I never had kids. Not really. A stepdaughter, but she was fully grown when I married her mom and - Well, I always wanted to. So, when there was a chance that you might be my daughter, I had to know. You're beautiful and intelligent and your father wasn't treating you right. You said so yourself. I know it was the worst day of your life, but it was the best day of mine. So you might not want me in your life, but I'm going to keep trying because I missed twenty-one -

IVY

Twenty-three

PIERCE

Twenty-three years of your life and I am not missing anymore. So...yeah. Have a nice flight. We'll talk when you get back.

Pierce starts to leave. Ivy fidgets.

IVY

_(relenting)_

Fine!

This time, Pierce stops and turns around.

IVY (CONT'D)

We can have dinner. When I get back.

PIERCE

Really?

IVY

One dinner.

PIERCE

Great!

IVY

I get to pick the restaurant.

PIERCE

Deal.

IVY

And we split the check.

PIERCE

But I'm your-

IVY

And you can't use the term "you people" or call Britta a lesbian or I'm leaving. Deal?

PIERCE

Deal. Hug?

Pierces opens his arms for a hug. Ivy turns and walks into the security line.

PIERCE (CONT'D)

_(to himself)_

Too soon. Got it.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT - A FEW WEEKS LATER

The ex-Greendale Seven is hanging out in Troy, Abed, and Annie's apartment. They are sitting around the kitchen table. Jeff Winger has opened a new bottle of whiskey and is pouring for himself, Britta Perry, and Pierce Hawthorne. Annie Edison is opening mail. Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir are playing a game of Operation. Troy has the tweezers as Abed leans over his shoulders.

ABED

Easy. Easy.

Slowly, Troy pulls out the funny bone. There is no buzzing.

ABED (CONT'D)

Success!

Shirley Bennett pokes her head out from the kitchen.

SHIRLEY

The muffins are going into the oven soon! Should I do the dishes?

TROY

You don't have to -

SHIRLEY

On it!

Shirley disappears back into the kitchen.

ANNIE

Oh! Ivy wrote me. You've got one too, Abed.

Annie tosses a letter to Abed, he catches it and tucks it into his pocket.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

She says that she misses us.

TROY

I can tell. Have you read the latest Crashing Comet?

Abed nods, but the rest of the group just stares at him.

ABED

The Crashing Comet saves a community college from a group of rabid monkeys that are living in the vents.

The groups all looks to one another. Greendale. They miss it.

BRITTA

Aren't you going to open yours, Abed?

ABED

Later.

BRITTA

I bet it's steamy. Oh Abed, I - wait, what do you two talk about? Besides costumes and comic books -

JEFF

And movies.

ABED

TV.

ANNIE

Wait, have you said the l-word yet?

PIERCE

Lesbians? Why would they talk about that?

ANNIE

Not lesbians. Love!

ABED

Once Ivy mentioned it. Well, she said it to Han Solo.

The group exchanges looks.

ANNIE

But you do love her...right?

PIERCE

He better!

JEFF

Yeah? What are you going to do?

BRITTA

Guys, we can't force these things. As a psychologist -

JEFF

A student. Ex-student. You were kicked out of school.

BRITTA

Oh, whatever, Jeff.

Jeff and Britta begin arguing. Troy goes back to operation. Pierce and Annie begin arguing over love. Abed opens his letter. He reads and smiles.


	18. Chapter 18

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT - A FEW WEEKS LATER

Ivy Reeds comes running in with a duffle bag. She is out of breath. Annie Edison and Abed Nadir run towards her. She is out of breath.

ANNIE

You're home early!

Ivy shakes her head, still panting.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

Do you want water?

IVY

I...ran...from...the...bus stop...

ANNIE

You took a bus from Rhode Island?

IVY

Took...a...bus...from...the airport

ABED

I thought I was going to pick you up and I'd bring Annie and we could do Sleepless in Seattle.

ANNIE

I love that movie!

Ivy finally catches her breath.

IVY

Abed! Your last call ended with "Chang could be tapping my phone." You said that there were hijinks and an elaborate plan.

ABED

Yes.

ANNIE

Abed! You can't scare her.

IVY

You can't have elaborate plans without me. Let's start!

Annie and Abed exchange a look.

ANNIE

About that -

ABED

It turns out the dean was actually replaced with a deanposter by Chang. We used hijinks and Troy's plumbing skills to free him and restore Greendale to it's former glory.

ANNIE

We're unexpelled! And it's not going on my transcript. I checked.

IVY

I missed it?

The two nod.

IVY (CONT'D)

And everything worked out?

Annie looks to Abed, deeply concerned.

ABED

Troy joined the air condition program.

IVY

So he...moved out?

Abed nods. Ivy wraps her arms around him. Annie hugs both of them.

INT. ABED'S BLANKET FORT - A FEW HOURS LATER

Ivy Reeds lays next to Abed Nadir is his twin bed in the blanket fort. The bed is small, so their bodies overlap.

IVY

I'm really sorry about Troy. I didn't realize that the air conditioning was the dark underbelly of Greendale.

ABED

Well, there isn't much we can do about it now. Britta's taking it really hard.

IVY

Well, it makes sense.

ABED

Because they're friends.

IVY

Because they're in love.

ABED

Really?

IVY

Well, the beginning stages.

ABED

Annie thinks we're in love.

Ivy doesn't say anything. Abed looks at her.

ABED (CONT'D)

You said that you loved me during paintball. Did you really love me or was that a play on the iconic Star Wars line?

Ivy looks at Abed. Their eyes meet.

IVY

Both.

ABED

I love you too.

They kiss.

INT. AIRPORT - THE NEXT DAY

Abed Nadir is dropping Ivy off at the airport. She is about to get into the security lines.

IVY

Just a few more weeks.

ABED

It's a shame I can't walk you to your plane. I mean, I get it for safety, but it's inconvenient for dramatic purposes.

IVY

_(sarcastically)_

They really should have considered that.

Abed kisses her goodbye. When they pull apart, he brushes his fingers across her face.

ABED

Here's looking to you, kid.

He exits. Ivy smiles and gets into the security line.

"INTRODUCTION TO FINALITY"

TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Abed Nadir is sitting in his chair in his living room. He is somewhat alone. Evil Abed stands in front of the dreamatorium door. The two have been talking for a while.

Evil Ivy falls out of the door of the dreamatorium. She is dressed as Cat Women.

EVIL IVY

Were you just not going to invite me?

EVIL ABED

Basically.

Real Abed stares at Evil Ivy. She winks and waves flirtatiously.

ABED

If you're both evil, why are you not dressed as The Joker and Harley Quinn?

Evil Ivy pulls the mask off her face and stomps her foot.

EVIL IVY

You see? I told you!

EVIL ABED

Says lame Abed.

ABED

Ohhhh. The goatee.

Evil Ivy screams in frustration. She storms off through the Dream-a-torium.

EVIL ABED

She'll be back. Evil Ivy always comes back. Unlike you're Ivy. She's been gone longer then she said she would be, hasn't she?

ABED

She has a costuming job at a local theater and extended her stay. I'm happy for her.

EVIL ABED

No, you're not. You want her to come back, but she's gone and so is Troy. Things are changing. They're getting...darker.

INT. TROY AND ABED'S EVIL APARTMENT - LATER THAT EVENING

In the darkest timeline, Evil Abed is sitting alone at the table in his apartment. He is trapped in thought. Evil Ivy enters with a box of blue hair dye. She drops it in front of Evil Abed. This time, she is dressed like Poison Ivy, complete with red hair.

EVIL IVY

I hear this company is awful. A lot of people's hair falls out. I know our Britta's hair is just blue, but we're trying to make it a darker timeline, right?

Evil Abed stares at Evil Ivy for a long time.

EVIL IVY (CONT'D)

What?

EVIL ABED

I liked your natural hair.

EVIL IVY

Well, get used to it.

Evil Abed picks up the hair dye box and examines it.

EVIL ABED

I don't think we should be evil anymore. I think we should try and make our timeline a little brighter.

Evil Ivy pulls at her hair. It's a wig. She places it on the table and takes a seat.

EVIL IVY

You sure?

Evil Abed nods. Evil Ivy takes a deep breath.

EVIL IVY (CONT'D)

I'll think about it.

Evil Ivy exits.

EXT. GREENDALE QUAD - THE START OF SENIOR YEAR

Ivy Reeds walks on campus. She sees Annie Edison across the quad. The girls wave enthusiastically and run to each other. They hug each other so tightly that they fall to the ground.

Lenard is across the quad.

LEONARD

Girl fight!

The girls dust themselves off and get up.

IVY

It's not a girl fight, you moron!

ANNIE

We aren't even fighting!

Leonard blows a raspberry and walks off. The girls turn to each other.

ANNIE (CONT'D)

I missed you so much.

IVY

I am so glad to be back.

Ivy links her arm through Annie's and they walk towards the school building.

ANNIE

How was Rhode Island?

IVY

Far. I mean, it was good but I was so far from everyone.

ANNIE

_(teasing)_

Does everyone mean Abed?

IVY

And you, dork.

INT. GREENDALE HALLWAY - LATER THAT DAY

Ivy Reeds stands against a locker. Abed Nadir walks up to it.

ABED

That's my locker.

IVY

Want me to leave?

Abed leans down and kisses her. Leonard walks by.

LEONARD

Get a room!

IVY

Shut up, Leonard! Your Youtube channel has four followers.

Leonard exits.

IVY (CONT'D)

Would you judge me if I beat up an old man?

Abed thinks.

ABED

Depends. Do you win the fight? Is it a fist fight or are there swords?

Ivy hugs Abed.

IVY

I missed you.

They pull apart. Ivy checks her Scooby Doo watch.

IVY (CONT'D)

I have to go. I told the Dean that I'd meet him about a hemline and a quick change.

ABED

I have History of Ice Cream anyway.

Ivy pecks Abed's cheek.

IVY

Tell the group I say hi.

They depart.

INT. TROY, ABED, AND ANNIE'S APARTMENT - THAT EVENING

Troy Barnes and Ivy Reeds are sitting at the kitchen table. There is a large bowl of popcorn in the middle. Troy Barnes reaches for the popcorn and Ivy slaps his hands away.

IVY

Not until Abed comes back with the movie. You know the rules.

TROY

Yeah, yeah...I know.

IVY

He told me about the Greendale Babies. Let's not push too many more buttons today.

TROY

Yeah. So...are you back for good? No more Rhode Island?

IVY

I'm back for good. Are you? No more air conditioning cult?

TROY

No. I put an end to that. I'm their choosen one.

Ivy laughs and then Troy joins her.

IVY

So...Britta?

TROY

Yeah. She's pretty cool.

**"PARANORMAL PARENTAGE"**

INT. GREENDALE STUDY ROOM

The Greendale Seven, minus Pierce Hawthorne, are standing in the study room. Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir are dressed as Hobbes and Calvin. Shirley Bennett is dressed as Princess Leia. Britta Perry is a Ham. Jeff Winger is a boxer and Annie Edison is the girl from The Ring.

Ivy Reeds enters with Jillian McNeal. Jillian is fit, toned and nearly thirty. The pair is dressed as Betty and Wilma. Ivy is dressed as a traditional Betty, while Jillian's Wilma costume is a little shorter than necessary.

IVY

Guys, this is Jilly. We did community theater together. Jilly, this is -

JILLY

This is your boyfriend?

IVY

They're all my friends.

Jilly walks up to Jeff and pokes him in the abs.

JILLY

You did so good. These things are rock solid.

Jeff beams. Annie scrunches up her nose and Britta makes a gagging sound.

JEFF

Flattering, but I'm not Ivy's boyfriend. He's over there.

Jeff point towards Troy and Abed. Jilly walks up and examines the boys.

JILLY

Which one?

TROY

That would be Abed.

Abed holds out his hand. Jilly shakes it quickly. He looks at Troy.

JILLY

And you?

TROY

I'm Troy. Of Troy and Abed.

SHIRLEY

And Britta's boyfriend.

BRITTA

Yeah!

Jilly shrugs and walks back over to Ivy.

JILLY

Well, it's nice to meet you all. I'm sure I'll see you around.

ANNIE

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Jilly beams.

IVY

Jilly was on a soap opera called "All My Nights and Days."

BRITTA

_(snippily)_

Aw, did it get canceled?

IVY

No. She got killed off.

JILLY

It's the danger of my line of work. I'm taking an acting class at Greendale to look more humble.

ANNIE

Why do you need to look more humble?

Ivy smirks and nudges Jilly. Jilly elbows her back. Hard.

IVY

Ow!

JILLY

No reason. We have to go if we want to catch up with Stanley before the party. Jeff, are you going to Vicki's party?

JEFF

I am.

JILLY

Great. I'll see you there.

Jilly exits. Leaving Ivy standing there.

IVY

Excuse her, she loves a dramatic exit. I'll see you all at the party?

ABED

Pierce locked himself in his panic room. We have to go let him out first.

IVY

Well, good luck. Hawthorne Manner creeps me out.

Ivy pecks Abed on the cheek and exits.


End file.
